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All Guns Blazing

I just realized, in the wake of the VA Tech shootings, that I never wrote a real article on the delicate matter of Gun Control. What better time to capitalize on a perfectly expressed opinion, than now, while wading in the blood of 32 kids?

None.

We have had this discussion on our message boards, to and fro, and it has also been semi-dealt with in articles about our constitution and civil rights, but let's clarify where I stand on this.

Thanks to our forefathers we have a Second Amendment in our Bill of Rights, granting each and every social misfit in America the right to bear a firearm:

•Right to keep and bear arms.

A well regulated Militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear Arms shall not be infringed.

Hey, being a somewhat opinionated asshole in a free forum, I am always happy about the one on the Freedom of Speech and Religion, and so forth, to have the opportunity to express said opinion without being subjected to a proctology exam at the FBI headquarters, but on the other hand; do all people deserve every civil right, and especially when it comes to such a controversial right as the one to bear arms? Does everybody equally qualify for the amount of responsibility the Bill of Rights suggests?

I think not.

I think we should rename these constitutional rights “civil privileges” instead. Liberties to earn and respectfully execute.

Let’s face it, we can talk until we’re blue in the face about the pros and cons with guns – comparing crime statistics from different countries and lying with numbers from both sides of the fence… the fact remains: When was the last time you heard about a school shooting in Sweden, France, Norway, Greece or fucking Japan? When was the last time a German driver pulled a gun in a road rage situation on Autobahn and shot the guy who yelled at him for cutting him off? Never, that’s when. The gun is not in the glove box of that Mercedes, and neither does Sven Schmoe Jr. have access to any other firearm than his grandpa’s old musket above the fire place.

America is one of the few modern countries in which any asshole, of limited or no experience (or intelligence), can walk into a hole in the wall gun shop and purchase an instrument of mass murder without even having a library card. In some states that is how easy it is. You don’t have to prove that you’re mentally fit, that you can handle a fire arm, or that you even know where to stick the bullets… it’s all yours. Some states require a background check, to make sure you didn’t just get out of prison after serving a term for some act of violence (DUH), but other than that; you’re good to go. Go in peace, my son… or not. Hell, it is harder to get a license to drive a fucking Chevy Corsica to the grocery store and back, than to acquire the means with which to blow one and all away. It is actually harder to get a library card at most libraries than to buy a gun.

“But if we ban guns, only the criminals will have them!” people cry at the thought of not being able to travel safely through the ghetto at night – as one does.

Yes, that is why those people are criminals. They do all sorts of shit that is bad, but for the most part they do it on their own turf. What are you gonna do in the matter of, say, a bank robbery anyway? Pull your mother-of-pearl handled Desert Eagle out of its secured holster and endanger everybody in the place for the satisfaction of finally getting to blow some punk ass criminal away? Chances are the lowly bandit has done this before and would blow you away while you still fumbled with the safety. Maybe you need to defend home and hearth from some invading midnight burglar? If he is bold enough to break into your house in the middle of the night, with you there, chances are he has a few buddies with him, with weapons already drawn. You’re already fucked. The only chance you will ever have of using that gun, in a circumstance outside normalcy (whatever that is), would be to shoot somebody in a fit of road rage, or pump a few slugs into some guy who walks up to you at the ATM late at night to see if you have a light.

No, triple the penalties for possession of a dangerous weapon and enforce the new laws effective immediately. It was not the Bloods and the Crips who walked into the dormitory of VA Tech and started to systematically execute people. It was a regular Joe Schmoe (Wang Schmoe) who had just purchased a Glock and tons of ammo for $571 at a local gun shop. Didn’t need a license or nothing, just the cash to pay for it. See, in most civilized countries, if you’re a foreign exchange student, and you get really pissed off at your imaginary girlfriend and her new boyfriend, you go to her or his house, start a fight and then proceed to roll around on the lawn for a few tumbles. Next morning you wake up with dirty pants, a few broken teeth and a black eye. You’re busted up and hurting all over, but at least the matter is settled. Just as settled as if you would have walked into a college and started to blast away the jocks and the cheerleaders. In Switzerland, the worst damage you could do as a regular citizen would be to walk into a high school cafeteria and calling everybody a bunch of cunts. Maybe get a few good punches in before three bigger guys jumped you and shoved your head down a toilet.

The gun turns the rules of engagement upside down. The insane and weak has the upper hand the second he pulls out that shiny automatic and starts pumping away at the more physically and mentally fit. It’s just plain wrong. Darwin is doing a spastic Macarena in his grave.

People, like the kooks in NRA, love to point out that crime went up in England, a gun-free country, over the last decade, and that they now have a higher crime percentage than America. First of all, I checked; that goes for the city of London as compared to all of the US. That would be like comparing Compton to all of Iceland. Second of all, those stats take into consideration all of crime, period, rather than just violent crimes with fatal or serious consequences. Sure, bicycle thefts are up in Piccadilly Circus, but there are no shootouts in the streets. A road rage incident in England will land you a bop on the head, in a worst case scenario, whereas in Florida you could get blown away. There are probably more road rage incidents in London, than in Florida, mostly because people aren’t afraid to pick a fight there, knowing that the bop on the noodle is the worst that could happen, whereas in Florida you sometimes hesitate to get out of your car and tell that asshole off, since he could end up blowing you to Kingdom Come with that new shiny (never before used) Glock of his. As is his “right”, feeling all threatened about his personal safety and shit.

It is funny to me, how people who are presently having all their rights slowly stripped away from them cling to this “freedom to bear firearms” like it was the be all and end all of civilization. Dude, your music and TV is censored, and your government is tapping your phone. Get all riled up about that shit instead about your right to wave your gun around. It’s not like you are ever going to use it in a context that will benefit you wisely. More than likely it will land you in a world of shit.

I doubt our forefathers put that amendment in there so your kid could grab your .45 out of your bedside table and go to town on his bullies. Neither did they draw that amendment up for us to use it against each other. That amendment was put there, solely, so there would be an armed militia, of free men, in case the Brits ever came back for more after the Revolutionary War. Thus, an army would be standing by, without any greater effort on the side of the young government. The times were very different back then, with America having just won national independency. These people were all ready to die to defend their freedom again, as a country. Whose freedom are you defending with your piece in the purse? Only your very immediate own. If you live in that bad of a neighborhood, maybe you should move? If you want to fight terrorists, or the Brits, go join the army – they will give you a gun. Don’t act all holy and shit about your constitutional right to bear a gun, when the spirit of that law was drafted for a drastically different purpose:

•Right to keep and bear arms.

A well regulated Militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear Arms shall not be infringed.

Note that it says “free State”, and not “free pass through the ghetto at night”. Are you in a fucking “Militia”? Are you patrolling the harbors of Boston, looking for the enemy? Get a fucking grip. You just want to own a gun because it makes you feel better. Never mind your fucking rights. Pop a Prozac and watch Scarface instead.

What about the fourth amendment:

•Protection from unreasonable search and seizure.

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Why are you not up in arms (ha-ha) about the Patriot Act? That shit may look like an Anti Towel Head Operation right now, but give it ten years and a few more governments to forget about the original idea. Hell, you already forgot about the idea of the second amendment.

Bottom line is that these “rights” are things that, just like various ancient religious documents, have been twisted and bent out of shape, to fit into more modern contexts, far from original idea or meaning. Since we are already messing about with the other “rights”, why not dive down deeper into the legalities of this Second Amendment?

People should have to go to safety- and educational classes for a license, for no less than a year. They would have to report every third month at a local police station, to service and re-register their fire-arm. Hell, we do it to our cars. Failure to do so should carry a mandatory three years in prison for negligence and endangerment of one’s fellow man. The Second Amendment shouldn’t be a right, per se, but rather a civil privilege, owed only to responsible and “upstanding” citizens. If you’re not one, you probably shouldn’t have a gun anyway. Fuck, if you even take offense to this, you’re probably one of those rednecks with an NRA bumper sticker on his F-150 who wishes we could still hang "dem knee-grows" from the trees outside city hall.

To put it in perspective:

Would you want me to bear a fire arm?

Knowing that I was armed and loaded, would you pick a fight with me?

Would you even ask me for a light?

I would take your head off, and regret it later in prison. Not because of any greater love for you, but because I have to sleep on a moldy mattress next to Big Moe for 67 years.

People like me shouldn’t have guns, but there is nothing – other than my own common sense and fraying morals – stopping me.

How’s that for a happy thought?

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~ The Eye of Grace ~