 | ||||||
| ||||||
Welcome to my utmost random thoughts on random shit that really doesn't matter much.
This is where my mind takes a dump.
~ Sticks, Stones and Funnybones ~
Part 11 - The Secret
The Secret
Did you know that you can spot top secret army bases on Google Earth? It seems that the Swedish Army is having an issue with Google’s Satellite service for millions of Joe Schmoes everywhere. Apparently you can clearly see all sorts of secret bases out on the frozen tundra, as long as you know where to look for it. Who cares? I am sure Swedish military bases are as interesting as styro foam to the super powers of the world, plus… If Google Earth can see them, so can every damn spy satellite up there for the past thirty years or so.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Player
Should I worry about the fact that my 10-year old still believes in the Easter Bunny? I mean… It’s cute and all, but c’mon… She actually thinks a freak 6 foot rabbit just hops in through a locked door and trades the left out Devil Dog for five baskets of prime candy with Walgreens stickers? Is she playing me? Was she dropped on her head one time too many?
Fuck…
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Gene-Pool
Britney dropped her baby on his head and cracked his skull. This only a month after peeling through the streets of Hollywood with the kid on her lap. It seems that Darwin’s theories on natural selection is being given a helping hand by the child’s very mother by doing her damndest to delete that poor string of DNA from the equation of life. If at first you don’t succeed… Some people are just not meant to procreate – it upsets the stupidity balance of the world, and muddies up the gene pool. Especially now that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are expecting. What? Do I have to knock up my wife to restore some order in the world?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Law $uit
Metallica is suing a branch of the Swedish Steel Worker’s Union (450,000 professional members), Förvaltnings AB Metallica, for the use of the domain “Metallica.st”. The Swedish capital investment branch of the country’s biggest union has gone by the name of “Metallica” for many years and never before had any legal problems with the band of the same name. The areas of operation are, after all, vastly different as any drooling fool clearly can see. But now that the domain metallica.st was discovered by the band’s self-appointed legal eagle, Lars Ulrich, a law suit will follow suit and demands for the domain’s removal has already been made. What is this code “.st”, you ask? It’s the national internet code for the little African island nation of Sao Tomé that was benevolently hooked up with some international domains, seven years ago, to get their servers rolling in the spirit of industrial evolution and technological advances in a self-help program for under developed countries.
You would have to be an absolute fucking idiot to believe that the two different things have anything to do with each other. And you would have to be raging retard to think you can get any money out of jungle island that still eat people during national holidays. Wait… Then again… It’s Lar$ we’re talking about here. Never mind…
For shits and giggles… Here is what the Swedish IT-consultant who registered the domain name all those years ago answered Metallica’s legal demand:
"Hello Xxxxxx
I was one of those initiating the cooperation with the little island nation of Sao Tomé and Principe in 1999. We went down to the islands and met the government. Since two years I have nothing to do with the domain, however.
To help you out… In my time it was only possible to make a complaint to the Domain Council of Sao Tomé and Principe (of which I was a member) and if not content with its decision one had to personally turn up in a court on the islands. Malaria prophylaxis is a must, since the islands are haunted by the deadly falciparum variety. Warning: The Lariam prophylaxis is very burdensome, it gives people horrible nightmares and insanity is a common end result.
I was personally diagnosed with falciparum malaria only once and had to endure a quinine treatment that I don't recommend to anyone. Especially not if you experience quinine hallucinations while bobbing through a tropical thunderstorm in Air Gabon's propeller plane above the Guinea Bay.
Don't forget "bribe money" to get through Gabon's airport in Libreville, by the way, if you go there to pursue your immaterial rights case!
However I have to ask you to continue your research on how to challenge a .st domain.
Try in Kiev, Ukarine, where it is rumored that the technical development for these domains are done nowadays under the auspices of a man who is supposed to be called "Uncle Blavatsky" and who is known not to like patent bureaus. I feel that he would recommend your well-known rock band to change name.
An idea: Maybe the rock band could give a free concert at the high school in the capital of Sao Tomé, where me and Bahnhof constructed an internet connected computer center which was inaugurated by the Minister of Culture and the President Trovoada of Sao Tomé and Principe about six years ago? This could affect the view of the Domain Council (if it exists today) since personal relations are important in Africa.
/Oscar Swartz"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Hypocrisy
South Park showed the heavily debated episode with Jesus taking a shit on the American flag this weekend. Gasp! Surely not on the holiest of all weekends? The background is that South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone felt betrayed by their network, Comedy Central, when they were explicitly prohibited from showing a planned sarcastic sequence about the Muslim prophet Mohammed, as a social commentary on the famed recent events. Comedy Central felt that it would fuel the fire in the middle East and generate bad will for the company. South Park reluctantly scrapped the scene and replaced it with a scene of Jesus defecating on the American flag and George W Bush. This was obviously done to make a point about the level of hypocrisy on the part of their network but also to test the boundaries for what hits home with the average viewer. The storm was immense. People were torn between screaming blasphemy or giving them a standing ovation. The same people who harrumphed at the Muslims for getting all bent over some Muhammed comics now screamed bloody murder that Jesus, our beloved Jesus Christ – the Saviour, was depicted in such a disrespectful way. Idiots. What’s good for the goose is good for the dumbasses too. I think South Park made an excellent point and showed great big shiny balls by calling America on its own hypocrisy. In a time where political correctness is stampeding up and down the corridors of society it’s nice to see somebody still swinging the old reality bat, hitting that motherfucker out of the stadium.
And also… As upset as all these right wing Christians and concerned mothers were… Nobody died this weekend. No embassies were burned down. No Born Again suicide bombers ran into the lobby of Comedy Central, screaming “In the name of Chrrriiiist!” So South Park still managed to make their anti-Muslim point hit home by showing how civilized people respond to the media when it pushes the envelope of its formulated freedom.
Furthermore… Jesus is a prophet in the Muslim faith (by the name Isa) so the show still managed to depict a Muslim prophet, under the radar.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Armageddon
Iran has informed the world that the country has 40,000 suicide bombers at their immediate disposal should their nuclear facilities ever be attacked. These suicide bombers would be dispatched to their designated targets in America and England at a moment’s notice in case of any hostility. Iran is preparing to launch motherfucking Armageddon on Israel and thus bring about the end of the world for the sake of Muslim ultimate salvation, the return of the 12th Imam – The Hidden Prophet. His appearance will, according to Muslim faith, be preceded by chaos and bloodshed to end all violence once and for all, and place the righteous Muslim at the right side of Allah, ruling the Earth and Heaven for eternity.
Did they just threaten us? I didn’t know we negotiated with hijackers and terrorists now. Iran. Slag. Glass. There, I fixed all your problems. Send them to their maker, pronto.
Iran is about to go all nuclear Jihad on the world and we invaded Iraq? To find some trailer with expired mustard gas buried in the desert? Meanwhile we strengthened Iran’s position by eliminating their ancient arch rival, their previously so very tied up western front – Iraq, thus giving them the peace of mind to focus their resources on taking out Israel instead in a blaze of glory. Great. Israel should, by all rights, be kinda upset with us by now. Remember how we didn’t allow them to participate in Operation Desert Storm out of fear for Arab retaliation? They sat on their hands while Iraq sent Scuds into their cities. You think they are going to put up with Iran for much longer? Especially with a new Prime Minister at the helm?
By the way… Israel is one of those countries suspected of having a secret nuclear arsenal. Are we OK with that? Because they are our current political bedfellows? How far are you willing to trust anybody in this region with any form of Weapons of Mass Destruction? How much more fucking hypocritical can US politics be to condone one desert state to pose a global threat, but eradicate another for the very same crime? The World Police is on the take. I am telling you… By interfering we are prolonging the perpetual crisis in this region. If we just pulled the fuck back these people would take each other out, and leave us a more peaceful world. They can’t scud us from over there anyway. Let them fight it out. Sit back. The longer we wait the worse it will be for everybody else.
Insallah already, motherfuckers!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
