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Welcome to my utmost random thoughts on random shit that really doesn't matter much.
This is where my mind takes a dump.
~ Sticks, Stones and Funnybones ~
Part 19 - The Cup
The Cup
So, not being Swedish anymore, I still follow the World Cup of football, “soccer”, and I am going for Italy instead. Anyway, I found an interesting page, describing past fiascos in the history of the World Cup. You don’t have to be a sports fan to appreciate some of them:
1962 – An Italian player is sent off the field but refuses to leave, and sits down on the grass instead. The Chilean players attack him and a fistfight ensues, leaving people broken-nosed and bruised. After the game the Chilean team invades the Italian team’s hotel and the fighting continues.
1962 – The referee awards El Salvador a free kick, but a Mexican player sneaks up and takes it, passing one of his own who subsequently scores. The ref forgot he had already awarded El Salvador the free kick and called the goal. El Salvador spent the rest of the game kicking the ball up as far up in the stands as humanly possible.
1982 – Alain Giresse scores for France, but he manages to do so because all the Kuwait players have frozen after hearing the ref’s whistle, “or something like a flute”. The referee, who never touched his whistle, doesn’t believe them and calls the goal. Just as play is about to resume a multi-million Arab sheik enters the field from the royal box, shows the ref his flute and admits to playing it rather carelessly. The goal is denied.
1994 – Colombian star player Andres Escobar scores an “own” goal, in his own net, against America and Colombia, as a result, loses the game 1 – 2. After Escobar returns home to Colombia he is shot dead from point blank range with 12 bullets. The killer screams “goal” for every time he pulls the triggers on his two revolvers.
2006 - Sweden loses, disgracefully, against the filthy Germans and Skeletal Grace renounces his Swedish citizenship.
The World Cup… It’s more than sports.
By the way… Am I the only one who gets shivers down my spine – unpleasant ones, mind you – when the Germans start chanting in the stands? Cramming 70,000 Germans together in a tight space seems to awaken some sort of slumbering consciousness in them, and you can see them heiling each other and screaming “Sieg” in exhilarated confusion. They are just dying to march somewhere – I can tell. Once they get their shit together, we are all fucked – they will win the World Cup. Woe us.
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The Flag
OK, the burning of the flag is up for debate. Should it be a crime, punishable by fine or imprisonment, to burn the Star Spangled Banner? In a so called “popularity issue”, all sorts of politicians are rallying for the incrimination of said act. It’s a great way of getting voters for upcoming elections. If you tell people they are “un-American” to even want to be able to burn the flag, all true little redneck patriots will come scurrying under the umbrella of stupidity, so not to appear as commie bastards. Who wants to be “un-American”?
I thought burning the flag was a political statement, and making political statements, even the unpopular ones, is what being “American” is all about.
Bending over for the government, so they can fuck you in the ass, is far more “un-American”.
What is this, the wrong side of the Berlin Wall, twenty years ago? Get a fucking grip, America. Who the fuck is anybody to tell you what to do and what not to do, as long as you don’t hurt anybody else in the process? The day we are forbidden to burn our own flag in protest, for whatever reason, is the day they will start tapping our phones and throwing us in prison without legal rights or representation. Oops, too late. Sieg Heil, America. We’re all Commie bastard fuckhead fascists now.
And, no, it's not a "slap in the face of our veterans" to burn the flag. The flag doesn't stand for "War Veteran" and besides, they are getting slapped around by their country as it is, with or without the flag - the very country represented by that same flag. Maybe they should burn the fucking thing in protest?
Hey, they should make it punsihable by death to let veteran rock stars sing the fucking anthem at ball games. I'd sign that bill.
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The Shuttle
So the damn space shuttle was supposed to launch today. I remember when I was a kid and Columbia was about to take off the first time. The world followed the event, live, and the damn thing just sat there, and sat there… and sat there… and then everybody went home and had pie. The damn thing took something like ten attempts to burn off into space. One would think they had this nailed down by now, 30 years or so later, but as I am watching today’s launch of the shuttle the damn thing just sat there, and sat there, and fucking sat there. What the hell? Push the fucking button! “We were getting reports of storm clouds closing in.” – “We only have a ten minute window.” So what? When the aliens come swooping down to zap our asses, you’d better be ready to duct tape a machine gun to that fucker and hit the skies – stormclouds or not – in a few seconds flat.
And to think I wanted to be an astronaut as a kid. I guess I would have eaten a lot of pie, at least. There’s no glory in being the guy who just sits strapped down sideways in some goddamn ancient rust bucket that never takes off. And then, after five hours of nothing but taking a crap in your suit, you’re just sent home with a pat on the back, and a “good job”. Give me a break. Buck Rogers never took a shit in his suit.
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The Jerk
Eddie Griffin, of Minnesota Timberwolves fame, always claimed that the reason he crashed his Escalade into some poor schmuck’s Chevy was because he was looking for his phone. Turned out he was drunk and decided to jerk off while watching a porno on his Car DVD, in the middle of dense traffic, subsequently losing touch with reality and wiping out.
Maybe it was Mother Nature working some Natural Selection spells to balance the scales of Evolution? Did you know you can drown in only an inch of DNA, in the shallow end of the gene pool? Mother Nature should have held his head down a little longer.
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The Grandma
My grandmother died a few weeks ago. I guess it only now hits me that I never got to say goodbye to her, or even that I love her. I am thinking she knew anyway. It’s the grandchildren’s privilege to be selfish, distant, busy bastards who never call or write – and our curse to sit there afterwards and wish we had.
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The Spark
I think it’s extraordinary how the whole world is holding its breath as Israel rolls their tanks into the Gaza strip, ready to tear down the sun from the sky to get to the Israeli soldier taken hostage by the Hamas, while it is only mentioned very hastily in passing in American news. Like we shouldn’t worry – business as usual – carry on.
This could very well be the spark that ignites a whole world. It really could be that serious.
Israel has been considered the good guys for so long, by us in the west, that we forget that they are really The New White Man, killing off the natives, or putting them in reservations, to expand their new territories. The Palestinian fight back with Molotov cocktails and rocks and are therefore called terrorists. I guess a lone Palestinian with a home made bomb constitutes a terrorist, whereas having a modern army justifies genocide? “Kill one man and you’re a murderer, kill a million men and you’re a conqueror, kill everyone and you’re a God!” That sort of thing? The Jewish Messiah is getting his guns out – for real this time?
In American news broadcasts all this is mentioned in between the fact that Britney Spears had a nude spread and that Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey have finalized their divorce.
Why is America so afraid of Israel? What do we owe them?
Nothing.
They are the same kind of fuckheads all the rest of the fuckheads in the Middle East are. Same shit - the Palestinians too. Pretending that Israel is somehow right in the way they push their borders outward, while the rest of the Middle East is frowned upon for doing the same, is a mistake that the world will pay dearly for one day. Because Israel has nukes – big ones - and an army. They are not a bunch of donkey farmers with pitchforks. And they are not necessarily on anybody’s side. Remember that.
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The Whore
Gene Simmons recently settled out of court with a certain Ms. Ward who was suing him for defamation of character. In the VH1 documentary “When Kiss Ruled the World” Ms. Ward was shown in a pic with Gene Simmons, as the narrative (Gene’s voice) explains how he had sex 24/7 with all sorts of women. Ms. Ward, who used to date Gene, claims that this statement in correlation with the picture makes her sound like an unchaste whore.
Well, sweetie, chances are that if you sleep with rock stars who dress as blood-drooling demons, for a brief shot at fame and fortune, chances are you are an unchaste whore. The fact that you came out of decades of hiding, absolutely unrecognizable by anybody who saw the show, bringing up your slutty past and wanting hard cash for it, paints “WHORE” right across your forehead once again.
What does a rock star call a girl he has had oral sex with?
Fuckhead.
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The State of Affairs
The North-East is flooded, New Orleans is a snake infested swamp, people living in shelters, hurricanes are approaching, economy is spiralling downward and our soccer team sucks... Sometimes I feel like I live in a third-world country.
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Fucking sue me. I denounced the Swedes already. Don't fucking think for a second that I won't denounce you too, if you play me dirty.
