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Welcome to my utmost random thoughts on random shit that really doesn't matter much.
This is where my mind takes a dump.
~ Sticks, Stones and Funnybones ~
Part 2 - The Chickens
The Chickens
The EU (European Union – duh) office in Gaza (some workplace, huh?) was occupied last Thursday by militant Palestinians, demanding an official apology from the European countries in which a certain caricature comic-strip/article series on their prophet, Mohammed, had been published.
Gasp, blasphemy!
Apparently the whole Arab world is up in arms over a little 12 frame editorial comic strip that was originally published in the little Danish paper, Jyllands Posten, as an adjunct to an ongoing debate in the European press about the Freedom of Speech and its importance in the free press.
The article was picked up and translated by several other countries’ papers and received huge exposure when France Soir and Die Welt rolled it out in France and Germany.
See, the Arabs didn’t think that was so funny. They not only put a prize on the heads of “any official commissioners from these countries” but also demanded that official apology from the wrong-doers, while occupying that office.
The result? Did France, Germany, Denmark and Norway collectively tell the Arabs to go fuck themselves? Did they print the article on leaflets to drop from airplanes over the sand hills of Palestine with a big “Eat me, fuckheads”?
No… ALL the newspapers withdrew their articles, issued apologies, some fired their editors and promised to never offend the Muslims again. The Prime Minister of Denmark had an emergency meeting with his underlings to assume control of the “Mohammed situation”.
They all ran around like chickens without their heads.
So much for Freedom of Speech in the press when it’s not just for show anymore. It’s easy to sit in a safe country, where everybody is jaded as hell, and make fun of people in other countries – “oh, how those poor sods sacrifice their right to express themselves by bowing down to militant terrorists” - until you realize that you have no fucking balls yourself, once that gun is pointed at you instead.
Fucking candy asses. When it was time to show their true colors and confirm their stand in the debate of Freedom of Speech, they all faded and bled away in the night.
Here is the controversial caricature:
Suck my free balls, all Muslim pig fuckers. I’m freeballing in your face! (Some mental image, huh?)
This Swedish Ameri-, ...er… make that “Norwegian”… doesn’t run!
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The List
AskMen.com just published their list of “99 Most Desirable Women 2006”. Lists like this always suck, and not only do I not know who more than 10 of them are, I wouldn’t bang them with your dick. Cameron Diaz? She looks like a fucking horse with that wide mouth of hers. Eva Longoria? She would snap in two if you ever bent her over. Nicole Kidman? What am I, a necrophiliac? She looks like a dead person. Hillary Duff? Isn’t she like 15, going on 13?
Here are some chicks that were not on the list, and, since AskMen.com didn’t ask for my vote anyway, here are my reasons why they are without:
1. Paris Hilton – She looks like Marilyn Manson’s nearsighted kid sister.
Besides, she’s a fucking pig.
2. Britney Spears – White Trash is only sexy if you live in the trailer next door.
3. Fergie (Black Eyed peas) – Because of the fucking “Lady Lump” song. I mean, what the fuck? Lady lump? Is that like a cyst or something? I wouldn’t suck your cancerous tumors, no I wouldn’t. That is by far the most ridiculous song since “Hollaback Girl”. Plus, the crystal meth look doesn’t really do it for me. She looks like a lab rat at a plastic surgery clinic.
Which leads us to:
4. Gwen Stefani - She has looked the same since 1990 and she was always shot in soft glow back then too. Like one of those daytime soap opera stars with the halo around them, and then you see them in person and go “BLUUURGH!”
5. Pamela Anderson – She’s got Hepatitis C. Since when is that sexy? No, that’s what I said.
Some chicks that should be on the list weren’t, of course. Again, since Askmen.com didn’t ask for my vote, here is MY list of “3 Most Desirable Celebrities 2006”:
3. Judge Millian (People’s Court) – Sexy Latin MILF who seems to wear higher heels than most porn stars at any given moment. That should be commended.
2. Jenna Jameson – Fell from grace with everyone when she got married, but that only made her hotter in my opinion. Now she is the chick next door and if she pops out a kid she’ll be the ultimate MILF.
1. This chick I saw in a Lifetime movie once that I don’t remember the name of. Too bad. Maybe it wasn’t even recent enough for her to still be hot in 2006.
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The Beating
The St. Louis police beating. Did you catch it on the news? It was glorious. Five cops chased down this black guy after having pursued him in traffic for some time. When he finally ditched his car and made a run for it, the cops threw him on the ground behind some warehouse where they proceeded to beat the fucking shit out of him. One guy was kicking him in the head, one was jumping up and down on his ankle, and the rest of them were just letting their fists rain down on the guy’s body. My favorite part was when one of them looked up and saw the news chopper. You didn’t have to be able to read lips to see the “FUCK!” that followed.
A friend on the force in NYC once told me about the unspoken rule: “If you make us chase your stupid ass on foot, we’re gonna hurt you.”
What the guy did? I don’t know, but he was black. Isn’t that a considered a felony in Missouri?
Can you imagine if this had happened in Detroit? The whole fucking city would be on fire come morning.
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The Skill
It is no secret to anyone other than the Floridians themselves that people in Florida can’t drive. Florida publishes reports every year, showing that they are just slightly above par with most other states when it comes to car accidents.
Well, they fail to mention that those other states have winter half the year with blizzards, ice patches and mountains to skid down in the dark.
Can you imagine where most of the drivers in Florida would be if they had snow in the winter? Yeah, upside down in the ditches along the highway.
People in Florida can’t drive. Period. Don’t make me cut you.
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The Cup
So far this season the New York Rangers are kicking ass, and as a long time fan I am ecstatic for once. At the beginning of this season I posted on our message board: “Nylander will be the perfect winger/playmaker for Jagr, and, furthermore, Henrik Lundqvist is the best rookie in the league. Mark my words. This will be Rangers’ year.” It’s good to see that I am still smarter than everybody else. A swig out of the Stanley Cup, anyone?
