 | ||||||
| ||||||
Welcome to my utmost random thoughts on random shit that really doesn't matter much.
This is where my mind takes a dump.
~ Sticks, Stones and Funnybones ~
Part 20 - The Lesson
The Lesson
So we decided to take the kid to the Holocaust Museum in St. Petersburg, Florida. This was mainly because she was wondering why I was cursing the Germans so during the World Cup game against Italy, and wanted me to explain certain names I may have called them. “Poppy, what’s an oven-loving Nazi bastard?” That sort of thing.
OK, fair enough. The kid is old enough to start learning the history of the world, even though the redneck school system here in Florida thinks kids should only play games, eat pie and have recess all day long, instead of learning stuff that matters. (What the hell is an “open book test” anyway? I sure as hell never had any of those when I was in school.)
Anyway… We were kind of apprehensive about the museum. What would her reaction be to the inevitably gruesome images on display there, and to the honest recap of horrible events that took place during that whole human tragedy? We were prepared. We brought Kleenex and had rehearsed the “Germans are almost Humans, too, they were just a little fucked up”-speech. The safety net was in place, so inside we went.
The place was a fucking disaster. Not because it was raw and merciless on the visitors, but because it lacked any sort of emotional involvement or brutal truth whatsoever. Between blown up photographs of happy pre-camp Jews in their happy little neighborhoods, were tiny displays of “Death Camp Hat” or “Child’s Ring Found in Barracks”. There was nothing that hit you in the face like a sledgehammer, leaving you in sobs before the cruelty of the dark side of Humanity, or the lack thereof.
The kid totally didn’t get it. No matter how much we tried to explain to her that “See, they gassed them to death in there!” or “Mengele was not a nice doctor, he was a savage fuckhead!”, we had no visual support from the displays at the museum. It all became as abstract to the kid as talking about some really bad horror movie we saw last week. When I caught her yawning over by the glass case of yellow “Jude” stars, I just ripped her the hell out of there. I put her and the wife in the car and went back inside to talk to the Director of the Museum. After chewing him out for the better portion of half an hour, and listening to his feeble explanations of “not wanting to upset the visitors”, we went to Borders and bought a 300 minute documentary on Auschwitz. Thanks, now I have to watch that shit for 5 nights straight. Fuck me.
Why would you not want to “upset the visitors”? Isn’t that the point? To tell everybody the whole ugly brutal fucking truth so history doesn’t repeat itself? By downplaying this catastrophe, and sweeping the horrors under some PC rug, we are not servicing the memory of those who died and suffered. It’s called “Scared Straight” for a reason.
This is what always pisses me off with Florida; people are such fucking candy ass pussies here, I feel like smacking every single one of them with the trusty ole Reality Bat. Political correctness is the norm by which ever single person, business and organization operate down here. It’s fucking sickening.
The Holocaust happened. It was fucking disgusting and brutal. Why not show that in all its ugliness so these fucking kids don’t just think of it as another boring history class, right up there with the Indians and the Crusades? That is what the genocide of 11,000,000 people has been reduced to: a boring old footnote in history.
Well, our kid will be one educated motherfucker, if it so will reduce her to a weeping mess. Some learning comes with a price. That’s the least we can do.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Dumbass
Italy won the World Cup, today, after a dramatic penalty shoot-out vs. France. Thank fucking God. If France would have won I would have had to hibernate for four years.
One of the Greatest Players in the World, Zinedine Zidane, was playing his last international game, and everybody was all up in his shit. Like he was the friggin’ King. Well, he disgraced himself by head-butting an Italian player, after the Italian players said something not so very flattering about an intercourse he had recently had with Zidane’s mother, I am sure – and Zidane was subsequently sent off the field and got to spend the rest of his glorious farewell to the world in the locker room.
Dumbass. Have some class. That would be like Mark Messier snatching the giant Jersey #11 from the announcer, during his Rangers retirement ceremony, and taking a dump on it in front of everybody.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Army
A discharged US soldier recently tried to storm the cockpit of a New York flight, and another US soldier was recently charged with the rape of an Iraqi 14-year old girl, after killing her family. We had the Iraqi prison scandal with its inhumane treatment of prisoners.
OK, that is all fucked up, but it’s all our dumbass American war policy’s fault. We send kids, not old enough to vote, drink or buy a gun, to a war-zone full of people who hate them and are dying to get a clean shot at them. These dumb kids watch their friends get shot and blown up, and we still expect them to react like rational mature people – either when they come home, or while on duty?
Hell, of course nothing excuses that rape – or other heinous dishonorable war crimes – but maybe, just maybe, we wouldn’t have so much of that shit if our army consisted of retired NYPD cops and retired firefighter veterans instead? They are old, rugged, experienced, and have already seen the worst of misery and disaster. They would be way better equipped to handle all this crap, than some snot-nosed baby out of East Jesus, Idaho, who has never even been to the next town over before.
Then again… Retired cops and firefighters are way too smart to do something that fucking stupid. That’s why we send the kids in the first place, right? It’s easy being generous with other people’s lives.
“God Bless the stupidity and naïve ideals of America’s young”, Bush must say in his evening prayers every night. “And thank you, God, for the stupidity of their parents.”
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Author
Harper Entertainment recently paid Robert Downey Jr. a shit load of cash for his not-yet-written auto-biography.
Let me get this right… A has-been actor, who never could act, and spent most of his time in rehab or jail for stupidly getting caught doing drugs, is going to spend his advance on more drugs so the publisher will have to get a jaded ghost writer to do Downey’s job for him, so they can cash in on the few dumbasses out there who are retarded enough to give a shit in the first place?
Wow, sounds great. Downey should have a self-destruct button on his forehead; “In case of potential success, press button”.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Job
Do you know what the World’s easiest job has to be? I mean, what job would offer you the best benefits? Somebody? Anybody? Beuller?
Well, New Jersey closed all “unnecessary state agencies” in the wake of a budget that didn’t pass, and that shone the light on the Atlantic City Casino Inspectors. Since they couldn’t work, the casinos couldn’t, according to state law, operate unsupervised.
That’s what popped that question in the beginning. Can you think of anybody who gets more perks and bribes than a casino inspector? Never mind the health inspectors in Little Italy – this guy gets whores, champagne and caviar everyday – and the less he actually does his job, the more good shit he gets.
Clearly, being a DRS writer is a wee bit overrated. “We can’t be bribed – The Truth Hurts!”
Well, everything is negotiable.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Punishment
A teenager was hit by a bolt of lightning, while listening to his iPod last week. Apparently he was mowing the lawn as the dark clouds rolled in and he didn’t hear the thunder starting. Some scientists think that the electrical discharge between ground and sky preferred the route through the iPod, and therefore warn people to listen to their iPods under an open, thundering sky.
If you ask me, it’s all up to what you listen to.
How much do you want to bet that kid got blasted, by the powers that be, because he listened to one of the following songs:
1.James Blunt – “You’re Beautiful”
James Blunt – “You’re Beautiful”2.Gwen Stefani – "Holler Back Girl"
Gwen Stefani – "Holler Back Girl"3.Black Eyed Peas – "Lady Lumps"
Black Eyed Peas – "Lady Lumps"Fuck, I trip people whenever they walk by me with any of those songs blasting out of their ear-pieces. If they are grinning while listening, they get the “Oh, I’m sorry! Did I elbow you in the face?!” routine.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Movies
I can’t wait to see the new “Prates of the Caribbean” movie. I am such a sucker for adventure movies like that. It’s the closest thing we have these days to the Errol Flynn classics of ancient times, or even Indiana Jones matinees, for that matter.
I also saw that there was some stupid bank robbery/hostage movie opening up soon. I never got that thing with the hostages. It never works. Do you know why it never works? Because the hostage-takers are fucking stupid. You gotta plan that shit.
If you want to succeed at “hostaging”, you take no more than ten hostages and dress them in the exact same overall and ski mask you are wearing. Kill the rest and stuff them in the vault. Then you duct tape dummy-guns to the hostages’ hands and let them parade back and forth in front of the windows. Let one of the hostages do all the talking for you on the phone. The SWAT team will never know who’s who, and if worst comes to worst you can always release yourself, in civilian clothes, as the first “freed hostage”, while the snipers start picking off the rest in there.
If everything goes as planned, you will be the lone surviving hostage after this tragic event, since all the rest of the “robbers” were sadly killed during the SWAT attack, and you could get rich giving interviews at Letterman and having Downey’s publisher write your biography.
Speaking of stupid shit… When is that “Snakes on a Plane” coming out anyway? I can’t wait.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
