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Welcome to my utmost random thoughts on random shit that really doesn't matter much.
Behold the glory of my mind takinga dump.
~ Sticks, Stones and Funnybones ~
Part 38 - The Return
The Return
I know… We suck because we all decided to jump ship all at once. The almighty USS Dead Rebel was heading for dark waters, so we all fled to the life boats, paddled as far away from the renegade ship, and each other, as we possibly could until we all, each, hit a nice unchartered island in the sun, and then hibernated in a cozy cave for a couple of months.
And there you were; left to your own devices… lost and all alone… without our cynical wisdom to set you on the right path in this confusing world. Didn’t we see you on the news, walking into some high school, waving a gun? Was that you, setting yourself on fire in that street in Calcutta? That fucking shark almost got you, too, didn’t it? Well, enough with your confusion and attention-whoredness… we’re back now so just sit back and get yourself re-educated in the ways of the world.
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The Horrors
As I start digging through this monstrous pile of news that have accumulated in my computer the last month, I happily scrap 99% of it, since it is just not fucking news anymore now, is it? To hell with Christmas, New Year’s and most of January. You were there. You saw it all. It really wasn’t that friggin’ exciting the first time around.
There are however world-bending reports trickling in that have to be dealt with, no matter how gruesome. No, not the Zombie Report, even worse…
Take for example this goddamn Man Eater of the Dark Abyss that malevolently roamed into shallow Japanese waters. Apparently it’s a deep sea dwelling shark – a creature that has looked the same for 80 million years, according to previously found fossilized specimens – and it has now risen from the dark muck of its normal residence to taint our dreams and eat our children.
Just look at that fucking thing.
What else dwells down there in the shadows of our oceans, far below the surface, free to mutate into the stuff nightmares are made of?
I don’t want to know.
Steve Irwin, the mighty crocodile hunter who kept the beasts of the wild whipped and whimpering, gets skewered by a bloody flounder, removed from the equation, and all of a sudden this guy shows up?
Coincidence?
I think not.
What I do think, though, is that my family has dipped its last toe in the ocean.
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The Agents
Something we can fix, despite the travesty of it all, is that judicial farce rolling downhill in Texas, faster than a shithouse in a mudslide. Make that rolled, since the verdict is now in for the two Border Patrol agents that were charged with assault with a deadly weapon, for shooting a fleeing Mexican drug smuggler in the ass last year at a border drug bust (which uncovered 700 lbs of weed). Agents Compean and Ramos got 12 and 11 years respectively, for their heinous (pun, get it?) crime.
Ramos is currently being held in solitary confinement, 23 hours per day, in a 6 x 12 foot cell, “for his own protection”.
Well, he shot that illegal Mexican drug smuggling bastard in the ass for all of our protection, so I guess it’s not more than fair, right?
What lesson do we learn from this? Seriously? That law officers are not to shoot at fleeing suspects who are considered armed and dangerous? Just yell “bang bang” real loud after them and hope for the best?
Apparently the law that the judge applied to this case, at the vehement directions of the US Attorney, was originally instated to punish “dirty cops” who exerted violence and deadly force while engaged in criminal activities, such as rape or other abuse of ordinary citizens. It wasn’t meant to apply to regular officers drawing their weapons in the line of duty, but surprise, surprise… Here’s to rotting away in prison, for doing your job, with the people you have spent a lifetime putting there. Didn't see that one coming, did you? Sucker!
Jesus fucking barbecued iguana on a stick… This is the shit we should be worrying about instead of what country hates us the most this week. This is a prime example of how our Homeland Security operates our borders.
Write the White House and call them fucktards (and ask for a Presidential Pardon while you're at it) HERE.
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The Same Old Story
Yes, I, and another 46 million people in this country, saw the State of the Union yesterday.
I was amused by the way Bush and Cheney mimicked each other’s movements during the speech. Cheney smirked; Bush smirked. Cheney raised his glass of water to drink; Bush raised his glass of water to drink. Behind every powerful man there is Dick Cheney. Never forget that, kids.
Anyway, the address broke down as follows:
•We must stand strong against our enemies
We must stand strong against our enemies•All Americans should be able to afford health insurance
All Americans should be able to afford health insurance•Our kids’ education is important
Our kids’ education is important•We must save Social Security for coming generations
We must save Social Security for coming generations•We must watch our borders
We must watch our borders•We should invest in safer and cleaner sources of energy
We should invest in safer and cleaner sources of energy•Let’s not focus on what went wrong, but how we can fix it
Let’s not focus on what went wrong, but how we can fix it•AIDS in Africa is a problem
AIDS in Africa is a problemBreaking news indeed. Stop the presses like it’s 1985, or 1995, or 2005… Pick any fucking year for that matter, and any president out of history, too. We have heard it a million times before, and we never get any specifics – just the same old wish list for Santa Claus.
I know you all love yourself a good speech and a good parade, but c’mon…
I think my 11 year old daughter wrote all of the above in her “I have a dream”-speech for Martin Luther King Day. I think I patted her on the head and called her cute (thinking “fucking naïve”). She re-wrote it, and now I am called to school for a parent-teacher conference.
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The Succession
Speaking of Dick Cheney.
Why the hell does George W. Bush surround himself with Secret Service Agents? Does anybody really think the Arabs would want to assassinate him?
Think about it.
Who would become the President of the United States of America if they whacked Bush?
Yeah, that’s right.
Cheney.
And what is Cheney’s secret motto?
Right again: “What would Ronald Reagan do?”
If Cheney became the President, the Middle East would be nuked before Bush hit the floor. He probably has a red button in his pocket, hot wired to the silos, just in case.
I know why Bush surrounds himself with Secret Service agents, and it is the same reason as for why he doesn’t go duck hunting alone with his vice president.
Just saying…
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