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Welcome to my utmost random thoughts on random shit that really doesn't matter much.
Behold the glory of my mind takinga dump.
~ Sticks, Stones and Funnybones ~
Part 39 - The Bimbo
The Bimbo
Anna Nicole Smith is dead. The stupid whore emulated Marilyn Monroe to the tenth power when she even decided to die under “mysterious” circumstances. What the dumb bitch forgot, though, was that nobody but her ever had her confused with the 50’s legend.
See, there is a certain quality that most women today seem to have forgotten all about:
Class
Even the raunchiest of black and white movie stars of the olden days had an element of class that made them seem utterly unattainable, ever elusive, despite all their sultry seductiveness. Regular Joe Schmoes could only dream of getting Monroe between the sheets, whereas anybody could fuck Anna Nicole Smith, and apparently, everyone did. I know… Marilyn wasn’t exactly the Virgin Mary, but she had standards. She fucked American presidents, whereas Smith fucked old men in wheelchairs, while getting pregnant with her dork manager.
Same thing with Britney. These poor confused modern sex objects seem to think that they can only stay “sexy” by blowing as many white trash starfuckers as possible, while the fact of the matter is that Marilyn Monroe or Marlene Dietrich could have died virgins, and still be a hundred times sexier than all the Britney Spears of the world. Hell, a necrophiliac, with some class (don't ask) would probably dig up Marilyn’s wormy bones, before breaking into the LA morgue to ravage Smith.
Having said that, women should still be encouraged in their pursuit of white trash whoriness. It makes the world a more interesting place.
Of course.
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The Waaaaaaaah
Black History Month... Anybody else tired of this recurring “celebration”? How much fucking longer are we, as a society, going to pay our dues for having enslaved and oppressed the poor black man?
I don’t owe anybody shit.
Don’t get me wrong, black people are people too, but I really don’t give a shadow of a fuck. At this point I am sure that most black people can trace their roots and bloodlines further back in American history, than most white people in this country. Most “African-Americans” weren’t just sold off the slave market in Philadelphia last year, but still they sit there with a dazed look on their face, harboring feelings of entitlement, as if they were just released out of bondage last week.
Why is it that some black people can’t, after all these centuries in this country, still make a life for themselves, without crying about the injustices of the world? Sure, those facts applied in the dark ages, even up until the 60’s, but Uncle Tom, please… Those days are long gone.
Get off your fucking asses, get a fucking job and join the fucking rat race with the rest of us. We are done handing you people shit for free. We don’t feel bad anymore. Not even a little bit. The whole black sympathy card has been played to death already.
The goddamn Mexicans that come migrating across the borders, like bandido lemmings on a mission, are already harder at work, making a life for themselves, than whole black communities that just sit on their asses, victimizing themselves, making Congress dream up such shit as “affirmative action” and other crap.
Hell, we fucked a lot of people over throughout the centuries. We killed most of the Indians and took their lands, we enslaved the Chinese to build rail roads, we built ghettos in most major cities that were ethnically segregated to the point where an Italian person would have been shot on sight in a German neighborhood, and the other way around. We took Germany away from the Germans and nuked the Japanese. Are any of these other fuckheads still crying about it? No, they have all busted their asses to make the best out of a bad situation and slowly incorporated themselves into the American Dream – in whatever size, shape or form that applies to their lives – or, as in the case with the post-war Japs and Krauts; strived to make their country a better nation than most others.
We don’t have “Chinese History Month” or “Adopt-an-Indian Week”. We didn’t make “Cinco de Mayo” a bank holiday. We don’t even serve fucking Sushi in the school cafeterias on the anniversary of Hiroshima.
Rosa Parks was an instrument of political power, Malcom X was a fuckhead racist and Martin Luther King was a manipulator. More than that… They were all a part of America that no longer exists. This whole “lest we forget” shit only applies in case we are thinking about enslaving the black again. At this point I would rather enslave the Mexicans, though. At least they work their asses off.
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The Origin
What’s up with this “African-American” shit anyway? I doubt most blacks have ever been to Africa, nor would they ever want to. There comes a time when one has to let go off original heritages and just be plain fucking American. This whole business with trying to apply some sort of regional background to people is retarded.
Well, we also have "Caucasian", which is just as stupid. Caucasia is after all a geographical region encompassing Russia, Turkey and Iran. Not too many mighty whites from that region, let me assure you – mostly musky black haired man with big black mustaches. Then again, Hitler looked like that and thought he was Aryan. It seems that racial confusion is a universal thing.
Me? I am just an equal opportunity hater. I hate everybody just the same. Black, white, brown, red, yellow… You’re all a bunch of fuckheads.
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The Grammy
I should probably say something about the Grammy Awards. Or not. Well, i will say this:
The fact that the Dixie Chicks swept the awards is kind of symptomatic of the spirit of the American Music Industry.
Here is a band that was first tarred and feathered for speaking up against Bush, committing career suicide in the process since most of their audience is bona fide die hard rednecks with very little sympathy for aynthing not right-wing Republican. Hell, most of the hicks in Texas would drive all the way to Iraq in their pickup trucks to shoot themselves some towel heads, right? Anyway, the Dixie Chicks caught some serious shit for it, and then their record sales plummeted. To this day, only 3 out of every 10 country music radio station play their records. That is not much, considering all the rest of us hate country music, period.
So why did they win all those Grammy Awards if nobody listens to them? As usual it was not because of musical genius, chart-busting hit-singles or a grounded popularity with the common man... They won because the Grammy people are a bunch of candy ass fags.
The winds, right now, are blowing against the war. The Grammy folks know that the success of the music industry is made up of the sentiment of the average Joe Schmoe. By playing into a more popular opinion, granting the Dixie Chicks some moments in the spotlight, they are cleverly manipulating politics and public opinion into thinking they are somehow being rebels for awarding such an outspoken band.
The Music industry is all about money and politics. It has nothing to do with music. The fact that the Dixie Chicks won is just a prime exaple of this, and you are all stupid for thinking it actually means anything other than putting more money in the pockets of a music industry that is slowly killing the creative musical force in a new dumb iTunes generation.
Remember when it was cool that a band spoke against its government? Lennon, Bowie, Iron Maiden and Bob Marley all took every opportunity to slam anybody they wanted, promoting their own ideas, no matter who listened. Why is it that we had a problem with System of a Down and the Dixie Chicks speaking the same words, and then embracing them 5 years later just because it is now a more popular sentiment?
Because, you, my friends, are sheep.
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The State
I hate Florida. I really do. What other state offers a pro-abortion license plate at DMV for years, while gasping and panicking at the thought of the governor authorizing a license plate that is “pro-choice”?
The powers that be are currently considering to let more “liberal” people have their plate, too, even though it goes against the word of God – or some shit like that.
They can’t drive anyway, so what the fuck does anybody here need license plates for in the first place? They just fired a cop from his job because he was also operating a driving school. Florida felt it was a conflict of interest to teach people how to drive when he would also be the one fining them for traffic violations.
Motherfuckers, please…
If anything, the people this cop would train would probably be those drivers on the road that rarely got themselves in situations that violate common practices. After all, if there is something cops are good at, it’s fucking driving and traffic law. I think every person in Florida should lose their license and have to go to New York or Boston to get a new one. The DMV up there don’t play around. They just call security and have you tossed outside if you come back for a third test. If you fail that many tests you are obviously retarded and shouldn’t be driving a weapon of mass destruction.
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The Fault
Like this guy they arrested two days ago. He and another driver were speeding down the highway, apparently racing. Since one of the vehicles was a beaten up old truck, and the other was a fucking Datsun or somethihg, I suspect they weren’t racing for pink slips. Instead I am sure one of the guys cut the other off and they decided to dick each other off for a mile or so - like us dumb guys do.
Now, in the process of speeding down the highway, they slammed into an older gentleman who was making a U-turn from opposing traffic. The crash was bad and the older guy's wife died.
Now Florida is crying for harder laws against speeding violations, demanding this guy's head on a platter.
Uh-huh…
What everybody fails to understand is that it was the old dude that was mostly at fault here, making a breakneck 5 mph U-turn into 55 mph traffic. I don’t know how many times I have almost killed some old bastard, swerving in the very last split second, because they decide to slowly ooze into high speed traffic, oblivious to the world around them. Then when you race past them, screaming “You old fucking bastard!” out your car window, they just shake their head and lament the state of today’s youth.
That old bat’s number was up. her husband was probably the old kook I narrowly missed last week, or flipped off the week before that. He had it coming. Sad but true.
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The Dance
I have to take my daughter to a Valentine’s Dance. It’s in the school cafeteria at 4PM in the afternoon. Right after last class rings out. Is it just me, or didn’t we use to have our dances at night?
Poor kid.
What’s the magic of going to a dance, dressed in your school clothes, in broad daylight?
Then again… what’s the magic of seeing your dad dunking some Braille-faced kid’s head in the punch bowl because he asked you to dance?
I am sure the memories will last forever, regardless.
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The Trauma
My daughter finally asked me about something that had bothered her for years. Once, driving along Sunrise Highway on Long Island, we came across a picketing outside an abortion clinic. The guys had big signs with pictures of mutilated embryos and I didn’t feel she was old enough to be confronted with such brutal imagery, so I asked her to cover her eyes and not look up until I said so. When she asked why, I said that they had pictures of naked women and that she was too young to understand those things. Apparently this has bothered her for years, because yesterday she asked:
“Pops, if those women in the pictures were naked – they must have been mighty ugly for you to throw your soda at the guy holding the sign, and for mommy to try and drive our car over the others.” (This is why I drive nowadays, and why my wife is in charge of holding the soda, by the way.)
So, I finally told her what was on the signs and why I felt she was too young for such realities back then.
I should have known better back then. I should have known that not telling her would fuck her up for life.
I, myself, experienced something similar that to this day is buried like a scar in my soul.
I was probably around 8, watching “Space: 1999” with my dad, and the hero was about to go through this door on a space ship. He reached for the panel, touched it, the door buzzed open, his eyes widened in shock – or perhaps fear – and then… my dad covered my eyes.
To this day I wonder what was behind that fucking door. I find myself thinking about it ever so often, like some sort of nut. I need closure. I need to know.
Of course, my dad doesn’t remember, and, besides, I don’t talk to him anyway, and I am also not about to buy all the seasons of an obscure British TV show on DVD, just so I can fast-forward 29 hours worth of crap to get to the door scene, but still…
Damn.
Sometimes the devil you know is better than the shit you don’t.
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