I hate people – Part 7
"The New Age Arteest"
In my town, we have something called Art in the Park, where local artists can go and sell their crap. I am here to tell you that’s all that was there. CRAP. At first, I thought the homeless were just hanging out like they usually do, but then I noticed that they were selling paint stains for well over the $200 budget I had set aside for myself to buy that Pre-Raphaelite piece I was convinced I would find.
Let me tell you, I saw a fucking dude selling collages made out of Marijuana Roaches. Motherfucker, please. Don’t try to tell me that what you are making with that shit is art. It is not. What it IS, is a fucking pothead trying to convince himself he is not a complete waste of skin and not just another major drain on society. Do yourself a favor, junior, throw yourself off of the pier and die! Preferably with shark bait stuffed in your pants.
It also seems that The New age “Arteest” goes out of his way to be a weirdo. This started with the fucking man, Salvador Dali. Although he was probably just a weirdo anyway, being an artist, and insanely rich, gave him a valid excuse to be weird. Then a slew of others became copycats. A good artist in this day and age either,
A: draws comic book art, see Alex Ross, Jim Lee (hell, I will even give Joe Queseda some props).
or,
B: does Fantasy art; see Boris Vallejo, Mike Whelan and Jessica Galbreth.
Chances are, the people I just mentioned don’t go around acting like they are the Bee’s Knees while looking like a homeless bastard.
Back in the day, an artist didn’t act nuts, they WERE fucking nuts. Diego Rivera was a goddamned cannibal! Van Gogh was not a stable man to begin with, and said fuck it and shot himself in the chest (after carving off his ear). These new Arteests would never DREAM of doing shit like that, they would rather die! They are not really fucking crazy – they are just chic crazy.
These people like calling themselves artists, but lack the talent. Want proof?
Do any of you see a difference? Of course, me having these opinions means I am just a narrow minded Neo-con. Which I am not going to bother and deny.
Some of these people fancy themselves experts in OTHER art forms as well. Take for example something called “Ambient Music”. Now, I am in no way a Music Theory major, but I do know something about what is good music, and random noise is NOT. Hell, there is no rhythm at all to this shit. But these people fancy themselves talented. To any parents out there, PLEASE don’t lie to your kids when they ask if something is good and it is not. If they draw a square and tell you it’s the sun, let it pass, if they are 5. After that, your kid may actually be retarded and it is your obligation as a parent to keep them heavily sedated and away from the public eye for the rest of their lives. If they are 4 and start playing “For whom the bell tolls” on a three string bass, you may have yourselves a talented kid. But if he/she says they want to play like Sid Vicious, unplug them and explain that Sid was so bad on the bass, the roadies would unplug his axe and Sid was still oblivious to the fact. Be honest to your kids or one day they will be one of the arteests on the pier, selling menstrual discharge on a canvas for $300, or even worse… pimping their little gay emo band on myspace. Spare us, please!
I’m being a hypocrite and calling myself on it. Music is supposed to move the soul, and ambient music moves me all right. My bowels that is! HA!
Ambient fucking Noise is what I call it. In this day and age, people are too afraid to get their feelings hurt or to hurt the feelings of others by just telling them the painful truth: “you suck”. You may as well tell them, because said “Arteest” will end up a junkie either way.
So, of course, I blame the parents. I also blame the teachers, the friends, family, and all the confused and tasteless people who buy into this shit. Like I mentioned before, a new age artist is nothing but a snake oil salesman. Andy Warhol did nothing but silk screen. Dali at least had talent.
Oh, I forgot to mention HR Giger. I like his stuff, although I can’t place a finger on WHY. I think it’s because all his stuff reminds me of the Mighty Cthulhu. He is your overlord, you know? And one day he will rise from the bowels of the Pacific to bring an orgy of blood upon those who disobey his will or forgot his greatness and glory (Cthulhu, not Giger). PH’NGLUI MGLW’NAFH CTHULHU R’LYEH WGAH’NAGL FHTAGN! HE WILL RISE AGAIN!
I bet you are wondering what the hell THAT was all about. Well, I will tell you, I am an artist, too, but my art is all in my MIND! I am what I, myself, refer to as a Thought Artist. If you give me money, I will shout at the top of my lungs exactly what is on my mind at that very moment.
Actually, as a friend pointed out, they should start giving me money to NOT do that.
NOW, lets take a look through the Way Back Machine, and see what we find for comparison:
Jean-Léon Gérôme - "Murmillo"
I don't even know what the hell is going on here? It looks like somebody scratched up a dirt mound with a white fork.
Not Art
You may want to clean that up
and wipe your ass, Jack.
Art
Ophelia - You fucktards
Good God! It's a huge booger!
Michelangelo’s "Moses"
