Jogging With a Spoon - 11
featuring The Weekly Zombie Report
I went to The Lady’s house and she was furious. Apparently her ex decided to stop by and raise some hell with her. I don’t own a cell phone. If so, I would have heard earlier. Needless to say, I, too, was furious. This cat is under the impression that she owes him back rent from TWO fucking years ago. She moved out when they broke up (duh) and he couldn’t swing the rent on his own, so he left too. The lease was in his name. Why this is getting brought up now, I don’t know, but the lady said he was drunk-ish, or has a brain tumor.
I’m not going to go out of my way to hurt him or anything, but if I ever see him, he is getting a fucking boot party.
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That new guy at work likes to follow me around like I am the cat’s meow. I know I am, but this guy fucking hovers over me like a fag or something. I may start walking around with a dictionary in my underwear, just incase he tries to dry rape me or some shit. I can’t fucking stand it when people hover like that.
Also, at work, there is a person who is never at the office. I find it kind of odd, really. I think she may be a dominatrix or a drug dealer. There is no other explanation in my mind. Granted, we have hardly said five words to each other, but it is still kind of odd. I have to investigate this further.
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I’ve been getting these headaches that start behind my eyeballs and travel like a spider web through my skull. Every noise seems amplified and I can hear people calling my name. I looked in the mirror once and saw all the veins in my head popping out like I was a Klingon or some shit. I fucking hate Star Trek. Goddamn James Tiberius Kirk can suck my salty balls. Now Sam Beckett, I would want HIM to be my captain if I had to go into space (I know that sounds gay). But he has traveled time and changed history. Hell, without him, we would not have “The Misfits” with Marilyn Monroe or “Quantum Leap”.
“Ohh Boy!”
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Obamba (I know – sshhhh) is running for president. Great. Personally, I don’t think the country is ready for a black leader. But hey, if he wins, maybe he can change some of the fuck-ups that the past administration has committed. I know nothing of this guy, and probably won’t vote for him. Dr. Michael Savage said he may run, and by God, I will campaign for him until the day he loses.
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I’ve started going to a gym to perfect my physique. This is for a few reasons; the main one is that a healthy body promotes a healthy mind. The second is Zombie Survival. It is critical that your bodies be in peak physical condition.
Speaking of Zombies...
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The Weekly Zombie Report
From Pacific Radio News:.
PACIFIC TYPHOID EPIDEMIC MAY HAVE LINKS TO AUCKLAND
1. Date: 8 February 2007
Auckland, 6am: A typhoid epidemic seems to be sweeping the Pacific and there may be links with the recent outbreaks in New Zealand.
Samoan health authorities are asking athletes heading to the South Pacific Games to be vaccinated for the disease. The head of the Games' medical team, Dr Stanley Dean, says they're trying to stay on top of the problem and don't want a new outbreak. More typhoid cases have been reported in Auckland since four Clendon locals were brought down by it and officials believe the source of the disease is not local. Since November, there have been 17 cases of typhoid in Auckland, most linked to overseas travel. Pacific Island people are said to have the highest rates of typhoid. Dr Dean says they're also asking participating nations to have their athletes Aids tested and for teams to bring their own doctors when they come in August.
If I remember correctly, I reported last week of Rabies in The Philippines. This is NO coincidence. And looking at the proximity of the two islands, it is plausible that a ‘flip brought the virus over to Middle Earth. Unfortunately, there is no Gandalf to fight the legions of the undead that will soon take over your nation. If the world acts fast, there IS still a chance of containment. But it is doubtful, as the authorities in the country have already said it is not local.
This is a dark day for the people of New Zealand, and my heart goes out to you all. May God have mercy, because the Ghouls sure as fuck will not.
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Carman, out.
