Train of Subsequence
I'm doing you a favor
As I'm taking all your money
I guess I should feel sorry
But I don't even trust me
There's bad news creeping up
And you feel a sudden chill
How do you do? My name is trouble
I'm coming in for the kill...
And you know I will
Well, I started a gay myspace a few weeks ago, and already have a record 19 hits. I am not too surprised, considering that’s probably exactly how many people actually give a fuck about what I have to say about anything. Maybe if I had “friends” I would put shit on it for you jackasses to read. Well, I logged in a few days ago, and decided to look up people I knew back in the day.
What I found were people I fucking despised. People that would fuck with me for wearing thrift store bought clothes, for not having a pair of tennis shoes, etc. etc. In a nut shell; people I wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire. And what pissed me off even more, was that NONE of them were fat. NOT ONE!!!
“Carman, that was years ago, get over that shit.”
Set the ball A-Rollin
I'll be clicking off the miles
On the train of consequences
My boxcar life O' style
My thinking is derailed
I'm tied up to the tracks
The train of consequences
There ain't no turning back
So there I am; smoking my cancer sticks and looking at the monitor in a state of total hatred and utter disgust while these fucking jackoffs live the life. I try to convince myself that I am living a better life, because I have other goals, different than theirs of having 3.5 kids and a white picket fence. I decide I am not going to let these years of my life be my best years, because if that turns out to be the case, I will pull a Thompson and eat a .45 slug.
So, needless to say, I have been obsessing about every little aspect of these assholes’ lives for the last few days, trying to find some flaw, or some sign of desperation and sorrow in their eyes, but alas… I find none. As this cruel realization dawns on me, a twinge of guilt creeps over my mind. What the fuck? I need some people from my past who are fuckups! I need to look good!
So, I call an old friend of mine, from way back in the day, and he fills me in on the dirt. Apparently, Gene disappeared... I don’t mention anything, I find it funnier that way. Also, some people got married right out of high school, shitting out crack babies. One person, Bart, is in jail for beating the shit out of his wife. I tried to tell him she was a bitch, “but he was in LUV!” and I didn’t understand. So I said fuck it.
Set the ball A-Rollin
I'll be clicking off the miles
On the train of consequences
My boxcar life O' style
Then there is this girl I knew. Not in the biblical sense, but still. I was sweet on her. I told her such, and she always gave me some half assed excuse as to why she wouldn’t hook up with ME! With my charming personality and model good looks, I would THINK that I would be a shoe in. Well, anyway, she finds my phone number somehow after I move down to The Beach™ and we kinda stay in touch. We talk for a while, and after a while, when I get together with The Lady, all of a sudden she wants to “come see me” WITHOUT her fiancé. I tell The Lady and she blows a gasket. So I tell this girl to fuck off and stop calling me. I’m a one-woman-man. Also, for meanness’ sake, I get a hold of her fiancé and tell him what’s up. He deserves to know. It just confirms his suspicions and they had already broken up.
Turns out this bitch can’t handle her drugs very well, because she seems to have become a coke whore. Just doing my part.
My thinking is derailed
I'm tied up to the tracks
The train of consequences
There ain't no turning back
THEN there is this fuck named Larry. Weird bastard. He got caught with a 16 year old girl. No big deal, says Grace. (Do I now? I only encourage sex with 16 year old cheerleaders if you’re an 18 year old quarterback, hung like a cat. That rules out 99.9999% of the human race. – Grace) He was 24. Still no big deal. Until I find out what this cat did with said girl. Are you ready for this? Wait for it... I think I should give you some background about this guy. He always thought he was the fucking man. (When we all know I am the man.) He was in the state wrestling championship, had a rich daddy, and always got the best pieces of ass. Elise would probably be all over his nuts. He’s too old now, though, but back THEN, there is no doubt she would. He would also sneer at me for wearing my shit stompers to gym class and for still riding the bus at 17. Fuck it, if it’s a free ride, I’ll take it. Call me a kender.
OK. This cat was caught naked as a jay bird, smearing his own shit all over this girl, sporting a raging hard-on. I know this because I was told so. He now has to register as a sex offender. Now this kind of shit makes me laugh and also not feel so bad about where I am at in life. Pun intended.
No horse ever ran as fast
As the money that you bet
I'm blowing on my cards
And I play them to my chest
Life's fabric is corrupt
Shot through with corroded thread
As for me I hocked my brains
Packed my bags and headed west
This just proves my theory that God has a sense of humor. He loves pulling shit on those that piss him off. At least he likes doing that to those who practice the worse kind of discrimination, the kind aimed against ME. (An honorable mention in my next Spoons update to the person who knows where I stole that joke from).
The once so angry scowl, from looking at the assholes that I saw on myspace, becomes a savage grin. I realize that these people are just as fucked as their old friends when it comes to their mental facilities, hell, probably even more so.
Although I must confide, dear readers, I always got a little chub at the end of Carrie. Draw your own conclusions.
** Lyrics from Megadeth's "Train of Consequence" - DUH!
