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To Buzz Or Not To Buzz
So, I was talking to one of my girlfriends the other day. Don’t worry, I won’t mention any names, but it was most definitely NOT Elise. She mentioned that she is ripping through batteries for her vibrator at such a rate that she may have to start hooking on the side to make more money. Again. And she, of course, wanted to ask our resident ho all about it. I won’t tell you who that is, because she just quit, so now this friend is stuck with me and my advice instead. Below is a brief and short description of vibrators.
Did you know that back in the day doctors used vibrators on women to treat ailments such as “nervousness”? The nerves were probably something along the line of, “Oh God, I hope this jackass gets me off this time so I don’t have to pretend to cum”. Anyway… here we go.
There are many, many vibrators on the market. Too many for someone who is not in the sex trade to figure out. I’m not saying I am, or was, in the sex trade but… whatever…
First, you have to determine what you want aroused. Is it your G-spot? Is it your clit? Or maybe your ass? My answer to that is “yes”. Arouse them all and please do it in the most timely, cost effective and quiet way as possible. Be forewarned that some vibrators on the market today sound like a 747 landing on your roof, and if you decide to use it when you are with your significant other and that person happens to be a guy… then loud ones are not an option. Men get too distracted by the noise. After you’ve determined what pleasure center you want to concentrate on, then you have to decide where exactly you will be using it and how much you are willing to spend.
These are my favorites and I highly recommend them all:
#1 Rub My Duckie – Bondage Oh I do, I do, I do Rub my Duckie. He is cute, quiet and fairly powerful. He is for water play only though. Bath time, showertime… pool time. Great in the hot tub. Face it… when you are in the water, especially warm water, sometimes gentle is best. Runs on two AA batteries. You can use his tail or his cute little head. $22.95. I call mine Kojak… don’t ask.
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#2 Fukuoku 9000 Finger Vibe This is great. Fits into a nice little leather case that you can carry with you at all times. Not too strong but gets the job done. I was sent a new series that allows a plug in but have not yet tried it. Anyway… This is great for on-the-go fun… alone. AND it’s great for him too. Gently used on his balls or his dick when erect… his nipples… You get the idea. As a side note may I add that if you are driving in the car and want to get your freak on… I recommend you skip to #4 instead. Or use this one and just squeeze your thighs together and move yourself around. If you are wearing jeans and can hit the crease you are usually good to go. $40.00.
Or, for an alternative here:
The Pocket Rocket This is a good, travel size vibe. I have several. I still recommend Fukuoko more. I usually reserve my baby Rocket for playing with him.
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#3 The Flamingo OK, OK... so it looks a little tacky. But here’s the good news: You get a nice anal vibrator, for either you or him, and an EXCELLENT G-spot finder. Now, I don’t know how freaky your men get but mine would crawl into the shower and not come out for days if I even mentioned sticking this up his yahoo, but I like it. It’s fun and does two jobs for one price. It runs on two AA batteries and is 7” long. If your guy is under 7” you may want to think about that. And it has settings for those who like it nice and easy.
**** Side note. Speaking of dick sizes... Don’t you HATE those fucking conversations with your guys? “Yeah, yeah, so he owns his own plane and would fly you to the islands just to get you good coconut shrimp, BUT is his dick this big? Can he make you scream like this?” And, of course, your response is “No dear, my GAWD, you have the biggest cock I have ever seen. I can barely fit my mouth around it and the very reason why I scream so much is because HE IS JUST SO BIG!” Nevermind that you were able to shoot out a 9 pound baby with no problems. Don't tell him that. It will result in esteem issues you don't have time or energy for.
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Back to the list:
#4 Berman Center Astrea II This one is for couples. I am also warning you that it's one size fits most, but it is pretty forgiving. Unless you are Italian and have an ass the size of Equador… in which case save it for those non-bloated days.
Now, the idea is that you put this vibrator into the crotch of your panties and then hand over the remote control to your partner. He gets to control what and when you get it. Unless, of course, your guy has the mentality of a 15 year old boy - then he has to be slowly initiated into this. Otherwise you will be sore and he will be on the couch for a week. The price of this one is a little steep but it is definitely worth it. Although, I do have to point out that one time I went to sit down and I must have sat in the wrong way because it pinched me and I fell off the bar stool. So just go easy. It has to be placed correctly, or it just annoys the hell outta you. The remote goes pretty far… It says 12’, but not really. It really has more like an 8 to 9 feet range. Runs on AA batteries and costs approximately $90.
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#5 Hitachi Magic Wand This toy is outlet electric, so no water. It has two settings and is kinda loud. But let me tell you …. Damn, just damn! Until you get used to it you may want to use it over your panties... It’s not that bad. I paid… $45? Or around there somewhere. All I can say is BUY IT! By far my FAVORITE toy so far. Well, I have others but let’s save that for a different article, mmmkay?
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Now, as a responsible person I am supposed to point out that women who use these toys are usually more confident sexually, and that when you are more sexually confident all sorts of wonderful things happen. I should also point out that the genius field of science has discovered that the more you use these things the more sexually responsive you get, and thus all the more sexually confident. DUH. The circle of stuff that matters.
Also, try to be creative when you are using them with your partner. Once he has the hang of using it on you, lay down on your back with your ass up on a few pillows and have him use this all over you as he is inside of you. Try using it when you are blowing him... either on his balls or on the outside of your cheek as he is in your mouth. If you are in the doggy position then the anal vibe is great for both of you. Or, it’s very easy for you to insert an anal vibrator into him if you are on top of him, facing the other way. Sex is supposed to be fun and funny.
If you don’t have any of these... give them a shot and drop me a line.
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