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A Life Remembered
By Succubyss
Everyone probably has a group of friends like this. People from high school, who know me like no one else can. We’ve lived thru some crazy times together. As we grew up, and apart, we would continue to get together twice a year. The clichéd BBQ on Memorial Day and Labor Day.
At first it was just adults, eating and drinking and smoking until someone puked or got in a fight or passed out on the living room couch. Soon, kids were added to the mix. Babies that you wanted to show off and then wished would take a nap so you could do some pre-baby partying. Babies that grew into toddlers, then kids. Kids became pre-teens then teenagers that only brought back memories of how we all met and inspired comments like, “I can’t imagine them doing what WE did at that age”.
The kids bonded and looked forward to seeing each other at these gatherings. They knew they could depend on each other for conversation and entertainment because after the first hour the adults were lost to them. My daughter always brought something to do. Being the artsy/craftsy type, it usually involved a box full of many, small parts. Her partner in crime was Frenchy.
Frenchy was Francesca and she is Julie’s daughter. Julie is married to Mike, who is my ex-boyfriend’s brother. Mike and Julie make a great couple. She is just one of the nicest people I’ve ever met in my life. And not nice in that irritating, boring way, but genuinely warm and sweet, always happy to see your way.
So, my daughter Sam and Frenchy looked forward to seeing each other every year. They would always be a little shy with each other at first and then they would get involved in some project and it would be like they were friends all year long. I remember one year, Sam brought a bunch of embroidery thread to make friendship bracelets. Her and Frenchy went to sit in the car, so they could listen to THEIR music and make bracelets. Between them, they came up with this great idea to SELL said bracelets to the people at the party. They had made a couple of simple ones and went around trying to sell them for a dollar. The girls were maybe 9 or 10 at the time and they both looked so sweet and we were so grateful that they were just being so good; they sold everything they had made. Well, these girls were SO good; they started taking custom color orders and raised the prices. I think some drunken idiot gave them 20 bucks for three pieces of thread braided and tied around his wrist. The funny thing is, I’d see a couple of these guys during the year and they STILL had their bracelets tied on!
As the kids got older and people’s lives changed, we weren’t able to get together so much anymore. But we stayed in touch and we always remembered our gatherings. Whenever Sam talked about Frenchy, we remembered the bracelets. Two years ago, we moved into the same neighborhood as Mike and Julie. In addition to their daughter, they have three boys. Their youngest, Christopher is the same age as my son, Brad. The kids didn’t go to the same school, but we visited them and the kids went to a movie together not too long ago.
Last week, I got a call from my ex-boyfriend, Mike’s brother. He said he had something to tell me. Frenchy had been killed in a car accident the night before.
My mind still struggles to absorb this news. Frenchy has been killed in a car accident. She is 18 years old. She was going to the prom. She was granted a full scholarship. She was a writer. Her boyfriend had asked her to marry him. Her hero was her mom. She loved her family and her life. She was a fighter and a lady and she has been killed in a car accident.
It was a true accident and no one’s fault. She swerved trying to avoid someone backing into the street. The police think she may have panicked or her flip-flop got caught on the gas pedal, but the car accelerated into oncoming traffic. Her vehicle was hit at full speed by an SUV and she was killed instantly.
I had to tell my kids that. I cried and they cried and we talked about who Frenchy was and we remembered the bracelets and then we had to plan on going to the wake and funeral.
Kids think they are invincible. It never occurs to them that people their own age can suddenly disappear from the fabric of their lives. Kids SHOULD be invincible. As parents, we should never have to think about how we would continue to function if our children are ripped out of the fabric of our life.
The wake was hard, but we didn’t stay long. The funeral service and burial was much harder. From beginning to end, it lasted about five hours. Frenchy’s little brother Christopher gave a heart-wrenching memorial to her. He loved his sister, he looked up to her and when he implored all brothers and sisters to be kinder to each other because you never know what your last words to them might be, my heart broke.
As hard as the time leading up to the burial was, that time was easy compared to the burying of a child. All the memories, the tributes, the pictures and the crying, sharing and speculation of her life and what could have been was leading to the end. Julie’s life went from a world of tomorrows in her daughter’s life to a few more tomorrows to the end of tomorrow. Tomorrow she would wake up and not have Frenchy and not have to do anything more for her. My soul screamed for her and my heart selfishly prayed for my own children’s lives to be long and full and happy.
I’ve noticed a slight change in my kid’s behavior this week. They’ve seen a little bit more of what life is about by bearing witness to the effects of Frenchy’s death. It was heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. I’ll continue to laugh at my kids and make a mockery of them when the mood strikes me and I’m sure they’ll continue to do the same to me. But I hope they remember, as we all should, Christopher’s advice to be a little kinder to each other because you never know what might happen tomorrow.
