The Seven Year Itch
or
Are You Better off With Them or Without Them?
By
Succubyss
Most people have heard of the 7-year itch. You know, that restless feeling you get after being with the same person for a long period of time. It’s like that phantom itch in a body part that you can’t find, but it still doesn’t go away.
There was an actual study conducted by actual researchers in 1999 that “proves” a decline in the way partners feel about each other that occurs after 4 years and again after 7 years. Couples with children experienced the steepest declines and the feelings were consistent for both men and women.
A study? Educated professionals were paid to validate this information? Anyone who has ever been in any kind of long-term relationship doesn’t need any study to know that the 7-year itch exists. The study shows a pattern of it after four years, but I think anything after three years qualifies.
Let’s follow the relationship pattern, shall we.
Keep in mind that the initial steps can occur in any manner of time frame, depending on your particular style or level of intoxication.
First Flush:
This is where it starts. You’re attracted to each other and on your best behavior. You always make sure to look your best. The hair looks good, the clothes are the most flattering. You engage in witty repartee, you look forward to seeing each other in social situations and gravitate to each other through the crowd. The excitement builds towards…
The Warm-up:
You start spending personal time together, learning more about each other. There are lots of comments like, “Ohmygod, you like THAT too? I thought I was the only other person ANYWHERE to even hear about that!” You start to think about sex, which leads to…
The First Kiss:
The first kiss is usually smokin’ hot. Not always in terms of skill or smoothness, but because of the anticipation and newness of the physical contact. The knowing of both parties that it’s coming, the wanting of it, the waiting for the moment. Any awkwardness is laughed off together. There is a thrill-of-the-hunt satisfaction to getting that kiss and an eagerness to repeat and further it. Now you can move on to…
Exploration:
This is physical, emotional, social and psychological. The excitement of the discovery. New sex, new opinions to give and receive, new places to go and how you feel about it all. Even old things are new because you are experiencing them with this new person, who is just so cute and funny and smart. You NOTICE things, like the sun streaming thru the window and reflecting on glossy hair or how comforting it really is to have your hand held while you walk thru the park. Flowers are sent and received. Phone calls for hours as you marvel at your similarities and revel in your differences. Hot Saturday nights lead to slow Sunday mornings and a sick day taken on Monday because you can’t tear yourselves away from each other. It’s just so EXCITING! And then…
The Reality Test:
Someone has to take a sick day because they are REALLY sick. It’s the flu, the BAD flu. The sweaty, smelly, puke-in-a-bucket-next-to-the-bed flu. And that person who looked so cute all sex-rumpled the morning after, doesn’t look quite so cute anymore. Their hair is greasy, skin pale, eyes sunken and they SMELL. But because of all that had come before this, a brow is soothed, soup is brought, pillows fluffed and the test has been passed. You can now move to…
The Family:
The Reality Test has convinced you that this is a person you might want to spend more than a weekend with. They have to meet The Family. And let’s acknowledge here that everyone’s family is nuts, with at least one individual that is certifiably insane. So, off the two of you go to meet them. Amazingly enough, it goes well. On the way home, she says, “Don’t worry, honey. I’m sure you’ll never turn into the raging alcoholic that your father is.” He says, “You’re wrong, dear. You look nothing like your mother and even if you did gain 50 lbs, you could carry it much better than she does.” And again, hands are held, sighs of relief are expelled and we go to…
Life:
Life is where it all falls apart and there really are only two stages after this. Life With or Life Without.
Life is where you have to go in the bathroom after a giant crap has been taken and the offending party should have flushed twice and didn’t. Life is where you are driving to a cute little bed n breakfast, you get lost and when you finally arrive, your partner realizes they forgot to confirm the reservation. Life is being sound asleep when someone comes home after “working late” so drunk that they think the corner of your bedroom is a urinal. The three-day sex has turned into a three-minute routine every three weeks, with an extra minute thrown in on a birthday. Life is an ongoing serious of events that are neither special nor magical and frequently consist of mundane activities and irritating habits. This Life can be maintained for approximately three to six years before the question of “With or Without” comes up.
The good thing about Life is that it also consists of someone to come home to at the end of the day. Someone to let the dog out at 6 am when you just can’t drag yourself out of bed. A second party to help with the bills. Someone to read the interesting articles in the paper to, pick up the kids cuz you are running late. Someone to remember the magic moments with, even if they are now few and far between.
But a lot can happen in three years or five years or seven years. Maybe what brought you together isn’t even a part of your life anymore. If he was proud of you because you could slam more beers in a beer bong faster than any guy in the bar and you quit drinking while he continues the habit, that might be a problem. If you were looking for structure and stability, after 7 years the same repeated routine, day after day might not look stable; it might just be damn boring. Then what?
Usually a review is in order. A review of the initial steps and an attempt to repeat them. Can you get back the feelings of “First Flush”? Can you recreate the warmth and excitement and support for each other? I think it’s possible, if the basics are still there. If there is still mutual respect and trust. But what if there isn’t? What if that raging alcoholic that you were so sure wouldn’t materialize is in your living room every night? Or the pounds have been packed on? Or the most exciting thing you can think of to say to each other every night is, “It sure is unseasonably chilly. I wish it would warm up” or “I took the chicken out to defrost. Do you want to grill it or should I bake it”?
This is when you get itchy.
You might see a hot convertible racing around the corner or some sweet, young thing at the gas station. A wrong number turns into a funny conversation and you wonder if it was a “sign”. You make excuses to walk the dog so you can see that cute dog walker at the park. You’re squirming every which way, contorting yourself, rubbing on corners, but that itch just can’t be reached.
The logical thing to do at this point is to bring it out into the open with your partner. Some “remember when” conversations might be good. However, if that is greeted with a response of, “Yea, honey, that was great. Did you say you defrosted chicken or steak?”, you might have to be a bit more blunt about what’s going on. As in, “LISTEN UP! IF THINGS DON’T CHANGE, I’M LEAVING”! That should at least get someone’s attention.
The attention garnered now should go a long way to starting to relieve the itch. It probably won’t be that orgasmic relief you get from scratching it dead on, but more like the soothing relief you get from a dab of calamine lotion. Your skin is still a little crawly, but you know it’s getting better.
But better how? Will it be “With or Without”? That’s another column.
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