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Value of a Sexual Experience
By Succubyss
Value is a tricky word. How do you truly place value on anything? Maybe you think that prime red Camaro on the green, plastic milk crates in your yard has classic car value. Lemme tell ya bucko, potential doesn’t equal value and neither does wishful thinking.
I, however, have managed to precisely place an exact value on each and every sexual experience I now have with my husband. It’s the result of a specific mathematical formula based on current events and hotel prices.
I have been with my husband for 10 years. That’s TEN YEARS with the same guy. And as everyone knows, familiarity breeds contempt, or in our case it breeds kids, dogs, cats, jobs and a plethora of accompanying situations that insures a serious lack of intimate moments at our house.
Before we lived together, we were like bunnies. Hoppin’ to it, anywhere, anytime. You all know how it goes. You’re smokin’ hot for each other. You want to show off. You want to try new things. “Tell me your fantasies”, you whisper. Then off you go to buy the handcuffs or liquid latex, trampoline and flavored oils. Or in our case it was Chinese food…to each their own, alright?
All these escapades took place at his apartment. Because I was a single parent with two kids, numerous pets and no time. Those times at his place were completely and totally removed from any form of reality whatsoever. We cooked breakfast naked. Which is as it should be in the romantic throes of new love.
Enter old love – We don’t do anything naked anymore. Gravity could be one reason, but there are others. Teenagers who move at supernatural speeds to stop you from stepping one foot into their room will blithely enter YOUR room by force through a closed door in the middle of the night to ask for 20 bucks and the car keys. Cats that want to sleep on your head while your husband is tightening the silk scarves that bind your wrists to the headboard. Cold, wet dog noses do NOT belong in warm, wet private places. Needless to say, home is not where the sex is, hence the value based experience elsewhere.
On the high end, we have the special occasion, plus an event, plus the high priced dinner and overnight stay in a 4 star hotel. This was recently a $600 sexual experience. It was his birthday, steak dinner at Smith and Wolenski’s, Queensryche show and overnighter at the House of Blues. This type of experience is accompanied by lingerie, lotions and longevity.
On the low end, we have the $49.99 experience. This was overnight at the Red Roof Inn, located on the South Side. It was precluded by the graduation party of a friend’s daughter during which we had tap beer and carton wine open bar. Dinner was chicken and green beans with a scoop of vanilla ice cream for dessert. Our personal entertainment was me with my Metallica t-shirt pushed under my chin for a quick one, after which much snoring immediately ensued.
You get the idea. The options between the high and low end are limitless. Being food motivated, I like to tie the meal in with the late night activity. Styrofoam encased burgers have their place, but filet mignon and high-priced vodka are fantasy inducing. The trick for me is to make sure the events I like are followed by the events HE likes. Some might call that manipulation. I call it mutual satisfaction. Of the HIGHEST value.
