The Gay Marriage Plot!!
I have a theory about this… Why gay marriage is not only legal but also approved and blessed... Not to sound all conspiracy theorist or anything but I think it is not Republicans or Southern Baptists keeping this illegal but a secret society of wealthy influential homosexuals… They are paying off politicians and the media to keep gay marriage illegal… There is no other explanation... You can’t tell me that part of the fun of being gay is not having to get married... And no one questions a homosexual’s decision not to reproduce. You can’t tell me that all those gay supporters of legal gay marriage are really for it… It has to be a psychological ploy... Something to encourage true homophobes to prevent gay marriage from ever being legal... Diabolical…
You would think out of pure jealousy we straight folk would force them to wed... To spend thousands upon thousands of dollars for a wedding, an awful dress, migraine and a chicken or beef entrée for 300 of your closest friends and people you hope will give you a good present... It would be the LAW that they took a discount honeymoon from Cousin Vera who is a Mortician/Travel Agent to some third world country during monsoon season and dysentery outbreaks. Let them find squat toilets a charming cultural experience…
Why shouldn’t senile friends of their parents ask homosexuals when they are going to get married, and then reproduce? And if they don’t… to be asked by the same senile friends of parents questions about whose equipment is not functioning properly... Think about it… Gay couples could adopt all those unwanted and neglected children and give welfare a rest.
I say we make them trade in their snazzy two-seaters for Ford Windstars; give up those Windjammers cruises for trips to Disney in august, trade that white velvet settee and Aubusson rug for something in naugahyde and astro turf... Scrub spit up off their Hugo Boss suits... and lug around 300 pound complicated as hell strollers that routinely kick their asses when they are trying to fold them back up… And if all this domestic bliss did not pan out... Well… there would be no shake hands and leave with what you came with.. It would be expensive and they would need lawyers... And it would take a long time and they too could fight over bread machines and toaster ovens, the time-share on Bimini, and Christmas with the kids..
Fair is fair and I think it is high time those happy- go- lucky mother fuckers got a taste of the state sanctioned court and Jesus approved straight life... Don’t be fooled by the religious propaganda and political posturing... It is a trick… Legalize Gay Marriage NOW…
In Absinthe Veritas,
Tallulah (you can’t fool me) Crankhead
