Artwork used with permission from Neverland Music Inc.
Circus Maximus
"The 1st Chapter"
Rating:
Reviewed by:
Beppo Blitzkrieg
“Hey, look! The Clown is reviewing a band named Circus Maximus. lol lol lol.”
Shut the fuck up. Where is that shit funny anyway? At the motherfucking Bob Saget roast?
Norway is starting to piss me off. Hell, starting? They have pissed me off for a long time. I think we should invade them and make them all work deep down in the fucking coal mines. That would hopefully wipe those sunny smiles off their faces. Fuck, Norway is the only country whose solar panels still deliver energy on a cloudy day. Shiny happy motherfucking people. I guess that’s why they have Black Metal. Light and shadow and all that shit that I already talked about in some other review you didn’t read. If countries were metal, Norway would be motherfucking Stryper. But a closet-devil-worshipping Stryper. GASP! A paradox? Well, that’s Norway for you.
Now you think I hate all bands that come from Norway. Not so. I fucking love Norwegian bands! Love them! TNT, Ark, Conception, Communic, Pagan’s Mind, Dimmu Borgir, Artch (remember them?) and all the rest. It’s just not fair that such a dentally blessed people have so many talented musicians too, when I have to wade through shit (literally) when perusing the music scene here in the goddamn States.
So what the hell is Circus Maximus all about anyway? Well, they’re progressive as all hell, so let’s get that out of the way. If you’re not into fucked up time changes and endless keyboard solos, stop reading and go jerk off to Slipknot instead. I feel dumber for knowing you are still with me. Did we get rid of 97% of the readers now? Good. The Elite is left. Us motherfucking connoisseurs of Metal who know how to appreciate the genius of talented musicianship and intricate songwriting. We, the select few, who shoot up Dream Theater like it was fucking Heroin and smoke bong after bong of motherfucking Watchtower. Who needs drugs when the music you’re listening to makes you fall on your fucking face if you don’t pay full attention to what the hell is going on?
OK, so how does Circus Maximus rate compared to all these greats? Eh… To tell you the truth they’re a little gay. These guys sure play like motherfuckers, the production is fat and all the standard elements of true progressive metal are right the fuck there; razor sharp delivery of intricate and varied songs. But the whole thing still makes my asshole twitch, just a little.
My problem lies with the singer. I am wondering to myself whether Circus Maximus is a Christian band? Not that I have anything against motherfucking Christians, other than that they shouldn’t be allowed to front rock- or metal bands due to their over zealous motherfucking characters. Have you ever seen a Pentecostal choir singing praises to Jesus? It’s sickening how holy and happy they all look. Almost Norwegian. Wait…. Am I on to something? If only my brain wasn’t pickled in bourbon I could probably connect the dots here and make some fucking sense. Anyway, Christian singers have that big self righteous smile on their lips as they sing, like a Joey Tempest who just got laid in a biker bar, and they want you to see how fucking happy and right they are. Rub it in your face a little, that you're going to hell and stuff. That’s what this guy sounds like - holier than thou in a karaoke gay bar. Still carries a tune across the street and up the fucking hill, excellent range, but I just wish he would get a little oomph in there too.
The other thing that bothers me a little is the incredibly boring double bass drum sound. When he lays in on a fast beat it just sounds like an Atari nightmare. The fault in that lies in the production and should be addressed when this thing is remastered for a 2034 re-issue.
One thing that I like a lot is the fact that, true to the Pagan’s Mind Formula for Art of Norwegian Soloing, the solo guitars are left alone to shine in the spotlight for the most part without the rhythm guitars to mess up the delivery. Very good instrumental playing overall. I’m fucking impressed. Almost impressed enough to go hunt for their names and shit. Nah. What am I, a fucking paparazzi?
Overall the album is really really good, with some solid numbers, laden with motherfucking goodies in the shape of riffs, solos and interludes. Outstanding tracks are the instrumental “Biosfear”, which is at least as good as anything DT has ever done, and the epic title track “1st Chapter”, which will blow you the fuck away like an Ethiopian tourist in New Orleans at the wrong time.
On a scene that has never been as interesting as it is right now, I think that Circus Maximus stand a fair chance of appealing to all the little prog metal fan fuckers out there. Like me. I am a prog metal fan fucker. Not that I couple with them, just adore prog. You know what I mean. Idiot. Think Dream Theater meets Pagan’s Mind outside City Hall to get married. Throw some fucking rice at the happy couple and you’re all there.
We all float down here.
We’re all gay down here.
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