Artwork used with permission from Neverland Music Inc.
God Forbid
"IV: Constitution of Treason"
Rating:
Reviewed by:
Beppo Blitzkrieg
God forbid I get any rest around here. Work, work, motherfucking work. “Hey, Beppo, review this! Hey, Ass Clown, review that!” Hey, motherfuckers! Review this! I quit. Put that on your spoon and cook it. It’s not like I’m getting paid to take this abuse from our readers anyway. Motherfuckers, all of you.
God Forbid also happens to be a motherfucker of a band that released a CD a year or so ago that, I regret to say, I actually liked. “Gone Forever” was a surprise to say the least. It came out of nowhere like a rash on your dick after a wet night out, loaded with textures and all kinds of interesting bells and whistles. (Are we still talking God Forbid, or my rash here? – I’m confused). A band that I had always dismissed as “yet another whatever-core band” actually brought a little more to the table than the usual boring fucktardery these bands always get off on playing. (It must be suicidally boring to be a fucking kid these days, with the shit they have to listen to, or choose to play as soon as they learn three chords.) God Forbid actually put some goddamn melodies and cool riffing in their songs, and not some gay ass Children of Bodom keyboard wankery either. No, just solid harmonies that work well with the heavy raw ass material at hand.
So here is their new one, “IV: Constitution of Treason”, and that’s what this motherfucking review is about. Just a little more than a year after “Gone Forever”. Usually that means that the band either sold out or rushed to put some crap out while the guys at the label still remember who the hell they are and won’t mistake them for the fucking janitors this week. (I think Slayer is emptying trash cans at Def Jam American these days. Hell, Kerry’s wife is so fucking hot. Have you seen her? Damn lucky ass motherfucker he is. The midget fuck.)
This time it’s a concept album. Hum… Concept albums… They either fucking suck, or they fucking rock. “Operation: Mindcrime”… “Abigail”… Remember them? Amazing! “Keeper of the Seven Keys 3”… Horrible. What does today’s Helloween and 10,000 supermodels have in common? Exactly! BARF! At least this album’s concept is so fucking loose that you can just totally pretend it doesn’t exist and just listen to the music instead. There goes that fucking sword of motherfucking Beppocles hanging over your heads, guys. I will not judge your CD based on some shit about mankind’s fight against itself or how we’re doomed to repeat our fucking mistakes or some shit. ‘Cause, as we all know, a theme like that is Gay As Fuck, and I would just be too depressed to give you anything but a "1". If you can’t make up a cool story, like King Diamond used to be able to, then fucking forget it. The soundtrack to a fucking newspaper can only be so entertaining.
Anyway, one thing I like about God Forbid, and that they have totally gone crazy with on this CD, is how they manage to have an ass wide enough to sit on two musical chairs, without falling in between. Hell, make that five or six chairs. They mix their nu-metalish hardcore with Power Metal melodies and Thrash Metal riffs, even diving into progressive Death at times. And then there are the soft interludes with motherfucking acoustic guitars, making the aggressive parts stand out more in contrast, letting Byron belt out his angry message. Wait, did I just sound like fucking Amazon.com? Strike that shit. This fucking CD rocks. It has big fat guitars, thunder-godlike drums, rumbling bass and songs that change face more often than motherfucking Michael Jackson. Some genius (funny how we have lowered the credentials for geniuses this century huh?) labeled them “NWOAHM” (and I ain’t spelling that out for you imbeciles either) and as sad as it makes me, I have to agree. This is what American Metal should sound like if you looked it up in a Musical Metal Dictionary. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. I really don’t like this shit usually. It grates on my fucking nerves. But for some reason God Forbid has managed to make a “modern” album that doesn’t piss me off, as much as I want it to. God Forbid is doing for the stupid generation of nu-metal-core shit kids, what Opeth did for Death Metal some time ago. It’s about fucking time somebody did something, period.
I am getting motherfucking soft. It’s the booze. I haven’t had any today.
I think I’m gonna have to rap a summary:
So Progressive - Motherfucking Ag-gres-sive
Breath of Death - Nu-Metal Crystal Meth
All for da Mall Core – Power Metal Ga-lore
Thrashing wit da Clashing of da motherfucking Metal Bashing
Iz da shit wit da wit to forgit da motherfucking story-shit
And you can quote me on that.
Fo’ sho’, muthafuckah’.
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