Primal Fear

"Seven Seals"

Rating:                       

This is Primal Fear’s sixth album, believe it or not (I know you were holding your breath), and it’s about goddamn time that they got it right. From always having wandered rather aimlessly in the shadows of big brothers Helloween and Gamma Ray, while doing their best karaoke impersonation of Painkiller-era Priest, the band now finally breaks out of its autistic shell and delivers the fucking goods.

A lot of words to say they’re a shitty band of Priest wannabes on a good day.

Well, Primal Fear always had great musicians, and a really good singer in ex-Gamma Ray man Ralf Scheepers, but they were also always goddamn boring in the song writing department. This is something that has puzzled the metal community (wherever that is these days - Poland?) for years, as Mat Sinner – the man, the myth, the legend and German Metal Original – is the driving force behind the band. On the new album, “The Seventh Seal”, the songwriting steps up and rewards the PF fans with the album they always knew was right there at the tip of the band’s tongue.

I have a little something you can put on the band’s tongue. “German Metal Original” my ass. The only German Original is Lemmy, and he isn’t even German. He just dresses like one. Wasn’t that the title of a freakin’ Helloween album anyway? The Seven fucking Keys? Are these the damn seals that those keys open? What the fuck is going on? Somebody should sue somebody.

Maybe you should sue your mom for crimes against humanity. It's not too late for her to have you post-natally aborted, you know.

Anyway, the one thing that has improved the most, and makes this album a keeper, is the diversity. For once we don’t get served 10 generic half-assed songs, all with the words “metal” in the title or belted out elsewhere in the chorus, but instead we get all kinds of shit. Everything from dramatic choir infused mid-tempo anthems, to slow ballads and furious stompers. All with a refined sense for melody that I always found lacking otherwise in Primal Fear’s music. It’s almost as if they hired on a new songwriter to work anonymously in the background. Anybody know where Raffael Bittencourt, Tore Ostby, Kai Hansen or Kiko Loureiro were at the time of this recording?

Anybody know who those fuckheads are in the first place? So, again, you go off on this fucking rant just to say you like the album? If you like the fucking album, just fucking say it; “I like this fucking album”. How fucking hard is that? This whole talking forever about shit nobody cares about has gotta go. What are you, a woman?

Because, my dear ass clown, some people would like to know what it sounds like, in order to make a more informed decision when it comes to buying the damn thing or not. What the hell do they care if I like it or not? I barely care myself. The confused metal heads out there just want to know how it differs from other releases in general, and past PF releases in particular.

You just say that so you can come off sounding like you know what the hell you’re talking about. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s a goddamn metal band. If you need to forage the internet for reviews on a CD you want to buy, then you’re probably living in a trailer and surfing from the library anyway. Just buy the damn thing and cry yourself a river if you don’t like it. Why is any of this our problem? What are we, "Hear’n’Aid – Part 2"?

Yeah, you and crying children look good together.

The album still has that traditional metal sound to it that Primal Fear has somehow managed to make their own more than most other bands have, but here they have taken that to the next level by finally adding some really catchy choruses, without ever getting cheesy. The playing is phenomenal and I absolutely love how they have taken some chances with the arrangements, incorporating strings and very interesting instrumental breakdowns. Big orchestras and pompous choirs in the background add that majestic touch to quite a few songs; the opener “Demons and Angels”, the title track “Seven Seals” and the epic ”Diabolus” in particular. Scheepers sings better here than he has ever done before. To think he was turned down for the Priest position, in favor of Tim Owens. Whereas Tim is a good singer, he hasn’t got the character to his voice that Ralf does. I think Priest missed out on something good there, but I guess it was a blessing in disguise for Primal Fear instead.

So in your warped mind, Primal Fear are no longer Priest wannabes? Now Priest should be Primal Fear wannabes? Yeah, OK. What are you, fucking stoned? Nobody touches Priest and gets away with it. Not even Michael Jackson.

I think Rob would fuck Jacko though, Beppo.

For once we agree, Grace.

Actually I think this is the album where the Priest comparisons finally end. It’s a blessing/curse PF has suffered from since the beginning, now it’s broken and they are finally flying on their own.

“Rollercoaster” has a nice laid back riffage going that reminds me of a Swedish band called Masquerade, that I’m sure nobody has ever heard of, so let’s say TNT instead, and “Evil Spell” is a fast and furious study in melodic rage. In a way, Primal Fear is the polar opposite of Dream Evil, you know… the Swedish cheesy band that capitalized on being a spoof on the whole power metal scene, but actually released killer albums. Primal Fear are basically doing the same thing, but without the spoof. This is the real deal. What metal SHOULD sound like in this field. They do it so very well, perfecting a traditional recipe for stereotype Heavy Metal without missing a beat, adding their own spices to the mix without coming off sounding like they are trying to rewrite the cook book itself. Traditional metal needs Primal Fear. On a metal scene that is suffering from bands ditching their old concepts to get on MTV (Helloween), bands who suffer from delusions of grandeur with more complex arrangements for every album (Rhapsody) and bands who just don’t have “it” anymore (Manowar), we are grateful to have bands like Primal Fear, Masterplan, Pagan’s Mind, Angra and Rage, staying true to their origins, while still pushing the envelope enough to make every new album better than the last.

Aren’t all those bands Power Metal though? I just can’t stand the cheesiness of it all. The dragons and the demons, the "fire of desire"-shit they all have going. Give me Motorhead and a bottle of Jack any day of the week, and you can keep this shit all to your gay little self. All those singers sound like they are having a fit of hysteria. What was his name? That guy in Crimson Glory? Midnight or some shit. I had a sympathetic epileptic fit, listening to them once. Fucking dog woke me up by licking my balls. I still have fucking nightmares about them.

About your balls? You're not the only one. Grow a new pair, you fuckhead.

Shut the fuck up, Skeletor. “Oh, I am so bad. I have a fucking skeleton as my avatar. I always wanted to be in a cheesy power metal band so I could have somebody paint a damn skeleton on the cover of my album.” Shut the fuck up and finish this up. I am gonna go over into the corner and drink myself retarded since I am already halfway there anyway, listening to you yammering on and on.

Well, to me Primal Fear is not Power Metal anyway. They are one of the few REAL metal bands still standing. “Diabolus” might very well be the best song Primal Fear has ever written, and even the closing ballad, “In Memory”, comes across half-convincing, mostly thanks to Scheepers’ voice (although I have to say that I am just waiting for him to break out in Def Leppard’s “Bringin’ on the heartbreak” in the chorus).

"You’re bringin’ on the heartbreak! Takin’ all the best of me!" yeah you did you bitch, didn’t you? Left me here to drink myself stupid in my own piss. "Oh can’t you see? You got the best of me! Whoah can’t you see?" Bitch… "You’re bringin’ on the heartbreak!" Sob… sniff… Zzzz… Zzzzzz…

And on that thoughtful note I would just like to say that this album way surpasses their last release, “Devil’s Ground”, which in itself wasn’t bad at all – just a little over the top cheesy with its omni present “metal” references. On this album the lyrics didn't mention "metal" once I think. The music speaks for itself. Together with the great production, excellent vocals and flawless playing (Randy Black's drumming in particular) it makes this the best PF effort to date.

- Skeletal Grace

- Beppo Blitzkrieg

Reviewed by:

Skeletal Grace and Beppo Blitzkrieg

Artwork used with permission from Neverland Music Inc.