 | ||||||
Artwork used with permission from Neverland Music Inc.
Slipknot
"9.0: Live"
Rating:
Reviewed by:
Beppo Blitzkrieg
You know what you’re fucking getting by now. Isn’t that right, my little lambs? It sure as death and taxes may say “review” up there but I can’t be fucking bothered. This is my page. I do what the fuck I want here. What the hell are you gonna do about it? Cry and sway in a circle with all your little gay friends around the campfire? Do us all a favor and just fucking have that sex change operation already. You are the only one still confused about that.
Motherfucking Slipknot. Live, no less. I mean… What the fuck do you want me to say?
“It breaks my heart to report that Corey’s vocals indeed do crack when he tries to approach his vocals from a wider range and that Clown #9’s trash cans don’t come to their full potential in the rather messy sound-mix. The guitars suffer from some mild muddiness and the song selection might not be overly representative for the quality of this fashionable band.”
Motherfucking drivel.
Go read amazon.com. I feel dirty knowing your eyes are upon me. I might even shower this month.
Let’s rant on Slipknot instead.
Instead of pointing out the motherfucking obvious - that having 9 members in jumpsuits and masks is gayer than Paul Stanley alone with you in a sauna - let’s look at the other crap they are responsible for.
First of all, they are the fucking anti-gay of a cool rock band. A cool rock band rocks out with their cocks out. They play their fucking music, they make no fucking excuses and if they offend anyone along the way, then to hell with them lame ass motherfuckers anyway. Right?
No, not Slipknot. They release an album with "angry" songs like “People=Shit” and then edit the cursing out so they don’t offend the Wal-Mart customers or the parents of the kids they target. So the song is now called “People=Shxx”. Kinda defies the point you were trying to make, huh? If people indeed equals shit, then why the fuck are you licking their asses like it was going out of style, you dumb fucking morons? If you wanna be rebellious and cool, then don’t fucking put out edited versions of your teenage riot propaganda bullshit and still think you’re credible in the eyes of anybody with half a brain and both balls still dangling intact between their legs. You’re gay. Easy as that. People=Shit and Slipknot=Gay. Problem solved. Class dismissed. Go the motherfuck home.
Also… Here’s a news flash that goes for all nu-metal bands in general, but for Slipknot in particular. When you play the guitar, there are more sounds available to you than the Muted riff in Mud Minor. It doesn’t matter that you play that same fucking chord in Morse Code, A to Z, it still all sounds the fucking same. How about we try to actually vary our playing a little? Just a little. Not much. Just an actual additional chord here or there. What’s the worst that could happen? Your singer would have to rant in a designated key, rather than in the motherfucking no man’s land of musical waste where he’s roaming now? Boo-fucking-hoo. Tell your diary all about it.
As for the Slipknot live album, I just think it paints a painful fucking picture of how Joey Jordison’s talents are going to utter waste. The drums on here are great, there’s even a drum solo to prove it, and as he showed on the Roadrunner United CD, he can write songs too. Songs that are light-years above Slipknot’s shit formula.
If you’re into Slipknot and think that live CDs fill an actual function besides prolonging your favorite band’s vacation, then by all fucking means – go ahead and waste your money on this piece of shit.
