Maniacal, Screaming Preacher
The following was originally published in my college newspaper, but I have rewritten it so it makes sense to those who weren’t there for this abysmal display that would make the Inquisition look like a tea party.
On April 24, Shippensburg University, located in the heart of Amish Country, Pa., was invaded. Alas, the aliens hadn’t landed, but the religious zealots had flocked to this little school to push their beliefs on the poor, unsuspecting mass of students who would walk by them.
At first, they congregated outside the front of the union building with their leader, I assume, yelling scripture at those who passed. The university police asked this man to remove himself and his people. So he complied, and much like Moses led the Jews, he led his people to freedom (also known as the pavilion behind the science center). They also stood near the front of the library, promoting their faith to those who walked by.
I was on my way to a class when a young man approached me. He asked, “Sir, do you have Jesus in your life?” I told him I was not interested, because I’m an atheist. He looked at me funny, so I told him to fuck off, and I believe he got the point.
Then, I walked about another foot, only to be approached by someone else who told me, “Today is a nice day to read the word of God.” Again, I declined. I walked a tad further and was harassed by a woman who told me Jesus died for my sins, and that I was going to burn in Hell for all of eternity if I did not accept him. Unfortunately, I was running late, so I had no time to give this cunt a verbal kick in the tits. I simply shrugged it off and made my way into the Humanities Building.
Before I go into a rant of sorts, let me state that I have no problems whatsoever with organized religion. Many of my friends are Christian, but they don’t attempt to force their faith upon me. There is an underlying respect there between us. I am not an atheist who proclaims his opinions on faith or his lack of beliefs to anyone who follows a religious doctrine.
But, I do have a problem with those who try to force their beliefs upon me. It is not just Christians who act in this manner; it’s Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses as well.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when the doorbell rings and I have to remove myself from the furniture I am lounging on, only to find that the Church of Jesus Christ is waiting outside to “save” my soul.
This past summer, I was at home relaxing after a grueling day of work. The doorbell rang, so I had to get up and answer it. Lo and behold, two Jehovah’s Witnesses are standing there, wanting to convert me to their religion.
In case you do not know, Jehovah’s Witnesses hold a stance of political neutrality, which means that those who go door-to-door are not allowed to knock on doors of houses where American flags are displayed. I looked up and noticed we had an American flag hung from our front porch, and pointed it out to them. They didn’t leave; instead, they just stood there and argued with me. So, I flipped them off and slammed the door shut. I would have doused them with water had the hose not been in the basement.
When religions come door-to-door, all of them seem to come at the same time. The next day after the incident with the Jehovah’s Witnesses, the Mormons came knocking. Unfortunately, I was in the shower, which meant my mother answered the door. She let them in, and when I asked her why she invited the Osmonds into my house, her answer was, “They gave me a free book.”
I have made a personal choice to not conform to any religion or its doctrine, and religious recruiters should respect that. Of course, I highly doubt I will go happily through the rest of my life without seeing another door-to-door religious salesperson. I wonder if the religions that choose to operate with these kinds of practices realize they are doing more harm than good to their faith. I am willing to bet that more people slam the door in their face, or throw their pamphlets in the trash, instead of choosing to convert to that religion.
In writing this, I realize that I won’t change the minds of any faith-based organization in the way they handle their practices. Perhaps you agree with these practices, or you may be like me and carry a strong dislike for the way they promote.
I am not going to criticize any religion for its beliefs. It can promote what it wants to, and I will respect that. The only request I make is that its members leave the rest of us alone. We have made an educated choice to not conform to any faith, believing in nothing, instead. We are not Satan worshippers; if we don’t believe in a God, how can we believe in his polar opposite? We are normal people who go to class and work everyday, just like everyone else. Most of us choose to not exclaim our beliefs in public, realizing that is, in fact, personal in nature.
Simply put, we want to be left alone.
I feel that religious conversion should be a personal choice, done only after much research and personal debate. Choosing your faith isn’t like choosing what brand of peanut butter to buy; it’s a long, arduous task that doesn’t go well on a sandwich. It’s something that should come from within you, not from without. Religions should not come to you; you should go to them.
It is time for the religious communities to realize that their methods of promotion are turning away more potential converts than they are bringing in.
So, religious organizations, I beg of you: leave me alone. I do not bother you, so I expect the same respect from you. I understand that you don’t appreciate my lack of faith, but it’s my choice.
To quote a song by Manic Street Preachers: “I know I believe in nothing, but it is my nothing.”
by
Pill
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What is this, 1967?
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