It’s Good To Be The Prick: Part 2

“I WANNA QUARTER! I WANNA GUMBALL! I WANNA QUARTER! I WANNA GUMBALL!”, is what I was damned to listen to over and over again as I stood in my private hell, also known as the grocery store check-out line. After ten plus brutal minutes of listening to this little brat redundantly proclaiming his desire for twenty-five cents to buy a frickin’ gumball, I started to lose my mind. All I could think to myself was “Jesus Christ lady, give the fucking kid a god damned quarter so he can get a gumball and shut the fuck up”, but instead, I stood there biting my lip as I started to develop an annoying nervous twitch. Then suddenly, as my annoyance level was reaching the point of boiling over, I realized that the little babbling bastard had finally shut his pie hole; apparently mom caved in and came through with a nice shiny quarter.

You may ask yourself, “How would he know it was a nice shiny quarter?” Well, I know because instead of running over to the gumball machine like a smart little squirt, Retardo the monkey boy was tossing the quarter in the air and catching it, until it hit the floor, rolled, and gently bumped against the outside of my foot. When I looked down, I couldn’t help but admire exactly how shiny it was… right before I put my Nike clad foot on top of it.

The kid panicked and ran around all the checkout lines looking for his quarter, while freaking out in the process and driving his mother nuts; which is exactly what I wanted. I wanted him to cry. I wanted him to cry all the fucking way home over a fucking gumball, and I wanted every vein in his mother’s fucking head to burst because of it.

After momzilla dragged the kicking and screaming spawn of Satan out to the parking lot, I thought about just leaving the quarter on the floor for somebody else’s kid to find, as I really didn’t need it - and keeping it wasn’t my initial goal. Instead and partially out of spite, I decided to pick up the quarter and buy myself a big-ass gumball on the way out. Huh, grape…

… It’s good to be the prick.

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by

VooDoo