One Night Spank

I’ve seen it all and I’ve heard it all...

I have heard even the cheesiest pickup-lines uttered - And work! Can you imagine the sickening feeling that comes over you, when you every night have to listen to stuff like:

He: ”Hey, beautiful, I’ve loved you all my life.”

She: ”But we’ve only just met…”

He: ”That’s when my life started.”

Or

He: ”I seem to have lost my number. Can I have yours?”

She: ”Sure... It’s in the book.”

He: ”Well, what’s your name then?”

She: ”It’s in the book as well.”

Bloody hell… You people make me suffer. Although I’m not all innocent myself. Sure, I’ve tried to drop a line or two. I remember this one time I was serving this beautiful asian girl at the bar. A body chiseled by God himself, designed by Jesus and put in my bar by Satan. I gave her a couple of free drinks, and sure enough, soon she was giving me those wet glances. You know what I’m talking about…

Anyway, as I go downstairs to change one of the beerkegs I run into her. She has just exited the ladies room which happens to be just outside the beer cellar. She is well intoxicated by this hour. She giggles and asks me where am I going. I’m offering to show her the beer cellar as I’m going there right now. Would she like the full tour perhaps? One thing leads to the next, and within the minute we are halfnaked on top of the freezing beerkegs, doing all kind of things her mother told her not to. Although we are both enjoying ourselves, the very geography of the events makes it impossible to fully ”close the deal”, so to speak. I get her phone number and promise to call her soon. Yeah, right…

But, as it happens, yours truly has grown up a bit and decides to give the girl a call after a few weeks. After all, we’ve already done almost everything else but actually have a conversation. Maybe I’m losing out? She doesn’t necessarily have to be a psycho, right?

So, I call her. We go out. Nice expensive cocktails in a riverside bar in august. Then on to a fancy restaurant for a fabulous candlelit dinner with smalltalk and wine. She’s great. Funny as hell and intelligent. I’m winning here!

Afterwards I ask if she would like to go home. No, she doesnt. Would she like to come home with me? Yes, she does. Sorted! We go to my place. Foreplay is done with already. We throw ourselves on the bed and start getting naked. Im just about to get going full on when she stops me and says:

”No, I want you to spank me…”

Sure, whatever gets you going, honey! I’m not judging people by their turn-ons. WHACK! SMACK! BIFF! BAFF! BOFF! She is truly enjoying this. I can tell. So with her butcheeks glowing red and the palms of my hands smoking, I decide to now fullfill this evening the way I’ve planned it for the past few hours. But as I move in for my fantastic moves, she looks over her shoulder at me, and says in a weird, perverted ”baby voice”:

”No, no… Spanking only…”

I was struck with a stupid look on my face and a brain drained of blood only to have been replaced by a generous amount of vitamin E. Testosterone doesnt easily agree with these kind of suggestions. However… Composed as I am, I threw her out of my apartment in two minutes flat. Her clothes were gently placed on the sidewalk after a short journey through my bedroom window.

Dont argue with my testosterone.

You will not win.

So, maybe there is one thing I havent heard after all…

I didnt hear from her again…

Cheers.