Hook me up before you go-go
The big news of the last couple of weeks in the sports world has been the tell-all book written by Jose Canseco. In the book, he rats on everyone from Mark McGuire to Jeff Bagwell, from the encounters he has had with Madonna, to being asked to stick a needle in another mans ass.
On one hand, you have people saying that he has hurt the name of baseball. No, nothing that Ty Cobb or Babe Ruth did could ever hurt baseball, right? Ruth, known for banging every cheap whore east of the Mississippi, and being about one hundred pounds overweight, rarely showed up to a game sober. This was during prohibition, but that didn’t stop Ruth from downing pint after pint of booze. Ty Cobb, a racist that made David Duke look like Mother Teresa, was well known in the baseball world for winning by any means necessary. That includes sharpening his spike to the points of razors, sliding into a base, just to tear the skin off of the opposing player.
On the other had, many figures in the sporting world have applauded Canseco’s book, putting to rest the guesswork in asking a player if he is on the juice. Canseco will tell you without blinking an eye that steroids are good for the game, if used properly. It’s not like these guys are going down to Tijuana, down a dirty alley to get illegal steroids. Being that they are all millionaires, they have their “personal trainers” do the dirty work for them.
For the most part, I do not blame these guys. I blame no one that does drugs; you do what you have to do to stay competitive. In a country where most of us have done illegal drugs, we now get to all watch on TV a congressional hearing about the use of steroids in baseball. Is the war over? You would think so, with all the attention that has been focused on this. Let’s not pry into our own demons; let’s question why grown men have to shoot steroids into their ass to get a leg up on the next man.
My main reason that I have no problem with baseball, or any other athlete using steroids is simple: I get more for my entertainment dollar watching 300 pound monsters slapping 500 foot home runs than I do watching other sports such as soccer. These are not guys who are shooting up just to look better; these are players that are doing it to be the best that they can be. Just as Ty Cobb did, the attitude is winning, and nothing else. It’s nothing that anyone else hasn’t done, just a different way of doing things. A teacher knows that a bachelors degree will get you about 30 grand a year, but get your masters, and you have instantly doubled your salary. The said person gets a pat on the back, and a fat raise. Same thing with athletes using steroids to better themselves.
Take for instance the fictional baseball player Mark Sosa. He starts off at 18, getting drafted to the Chicago White Sox. He gets drafted in the 6th round, making him around the 200th player taken. Rags to riches at 18? Not even close. There will be no bonus, no Lexus sitting out on the front lawn, no nothing. All he will get is a fax explaining to him that he needs to report not to Chicago, but to Lansing, Michigan. All baseball teams have what is called farm systems. Class A, class AA, and class AAA. Unless you are the protégé badass #1 pick, expect to be put down in class A ball. Living on a bus for days at a time, getting 10 bucks a day for meal money, and if you crack a bat, you can expect to be charged 60 bucks a piece. 99 percent of players will crack tons, because they have never hit with wood before. The day that Mark gets there, he’s put into the lineup on the first night. Having never seen or heard of the pitcher before, he goes a resounding 0 for 4. After 2 weeks with the team, his batting average is below 200. He went from dreaming of millions, to living in a stranger’s house, and now his batting average is below the Mendoza line, a saying about a guy with the last name Mendoza that had a lifetime minor league average of 200.
Not only is the pressure of batting horribly getting to him, he know comes to realize that there are at least 4 more players just in the minor league system that are ranked above him in the same position he plays, that are all waiting for their chance to make the Major League roster. He starts thinking about ways to better his abilities. He makes a trip to the local GNC, eating everything that he can get his hands on. By the end of the season, he has improved his batting average to 250, and has put on 20 pounds of muscle.
The next year comes around, and he is STILL stuck in A ball. Still making his weekly trip to GNC, he meets a guy there that can get him the juice. Knowing all too well of the illegality of steroids, he still gets on them. Within 2 months, he has been moved up to AA ball, smashing every ball in sight. He continues to use, and he continues to make progress.
Eventually Mark will make the big leagues, but at what cost? The only cost is to him. He hasn’t beat up anyone, no roid rage, nothing. All he has done is take 10 years off of his life, but are the risks worth it? What is the difference between a steroid user, a pothead, and a cigarette smoker? Absolutely nothing. You know what the cost is every time you put a Winston into your mouth. Mark knew the cost of what he was doing.
The last point that I know will get brought up will be, “What about the children? These monsters are going to make my kid take those awful things!!!”
My thoughts on that are be a parent. As Charles Barkley once said,” I am not a role model.” Athletes for the most part are not role models, they are just athletes. Simple as that. As much as I love all sports, when put in the big scheme of life, it’s all just fun. It’s something to watch on a boring afternoon, or something to root for.
Batter up, bitches,
Manimal Lector
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