Agent 00Jackass
I love the Internet. It’s a cesspool of hate, cheap Viagra, gambling, and anything else you can imagine. What would life be without the wonders of knowing that you have the world at your index finger, with just a click of your mouse? You don’t even have to leave the confines of your house anymore. Simply get some skills and be an Ebay seller or a graphic designer, and you’re on your way to complete abstinence from the human race. The Internet has become the greatest tool for the shut ins, the freaks, and the unwanted of the world. We are all attractive through fiber optics, and we never have to smell your rank ass body odor.
You can start a site, talk shit about anybody, and never feel the punch in your mouth like you would in a bar. Hell, you wouldn’t SAY most of the things you do online at a bar. I would love to hear the fabrications of truth at my local establishment. Imagine this:
A. “ Brother, I had four women talking to me in chat last night. One was so hot, she sent me a pic, told me to get it on film, so I could put it in my wallet. She might be the one that I could spend the rest of my life with.”
B. “Really? The same thing happened to me last night!! Check this picture out, I can’t believe that she wants anything to do with me, but check it out!!”
A. “ Hey!!! How did you get a picture of my next wife??????
If for any reason you don’t like your birth name you can either change it in court, or the ladies just get married again. Not on the Internet. Got another email address? Think of another name; get your shit set up, and voila!!!! You are a new person, ready to unleash your fury on more of the same people, and you’re usually the only one that thinks that this will work. Tired of being you? Just go to another site with another name.
Then there is always at least one out there. The one that turns themselves into the Paris Hilton of the web. “Your site is just a site without me. With me, it’s a PARTY!!!” The type that craves the attention worse than a crack head to a glass dick. Every thread, every column, every chat line, their presence Must and WILL be felt. They are always the ones that will agree with every word you say, but as you log off, you have to go get the Bactine and gauze out, due to the fact that you have knife marks across your back. Make a typing mistake, and you are being laughed at in private to someone else. You don’t show your allegiance to the present site you are on? “You must not like us; you are not part of what we agree with.” Every site has one, or at least all of the sites I have been to do.
In closing, if you have seen yourself in any of these paragraghs, it’s not a bad thing. All you have to do is turn it off, go outside, and feel what real weather is like. It may not look like your Irish Hills screen saver, but it can’t do to you any worse than all of the radiation your face is feeling from your monitor. Maybe the only thing close to real life on the net is poker. If you are sitting at a table in real life and you haven’t found the sucker in 30 minutes, YOU ARE THE SUCKER. If you can’t pick out the sucker in the chat room, or the bulletin board, YOU ARE THE SUCKER.
Spreading truth,
Manimal Lector
 | ||||||
