By

Sebastian Lee Danzig

David Hasselhoff – Looking For Freedom

I remember when this record came out in 1989.  It was rather big in Germany during the fall of the Berlin wall. Recently, a friend discovered it in his loft and gave it to me because he knows I’m always interested in good music.

I think in these hard times “Looking For Freedom” should be heard for its positive message alone. However, there's such a diversity of sounds on this masterpiece as well, that I'll write down my thoughts on this as I listen to it:

It starts out with the ballcrushing "Is Everybody Happy". This song rocks so hard it would make Guns N' Roses proud. Nice background vocals. Sounds like they had the same sound guy as Mötley Crüe on Spike TV during Dr. Feelgood. Or in case you didn't catch that; Ashlee Simpson on SNL. You get the picture. Everything seems as out of place as this review on the screen of any real music fan.

Next is "Lonely Is The Night" and tears are running down my cheeks as I'm writing this. Only David can write appropriate lyrics for such a touching ballad.  They suck ass in case you were wondering.  My favorite part: "I can make it through the day, I can fake it okay, I just smile and pretend, and I tell myself it's alright" - he must have written that while on stage. I'm still weeping.  Could have something to do with the fork I just stuck into my eye to distract from the “music”.

But with the first sounds of the smash hit "Je T'aime Means I Love You" I'm ready to rock again. This song is probably my favorite on the album. His brutal off-key vocals in the chorus alone get me all excited. The beyond cheesy French lyrics mixed in with the English ultimately seal the deal. Awesome. Just awesome.

Now it's "Sheltered Heart" time. David is so far off it's not even funny anymore. You could say this sounds a lot like the late Elvis. If your name is David Hasselhoff, that is.

"Torero - Te Quiero". I don't speak any Spanish but I believe this means "Torero - I want you". Can you say fucking gay?! This might be the most ridiculous song I've ever heard, including Motley Crue’s “Brandon”. I can't imagine this sung at a bullfight arena. Even the bull might abscond.

Hm... "Yesterday's Love". I don't even remember that one. And 10 seconds later I know why. I blocked that stinker from my poor brain. I know, I know. You're probably going "that moron is surprised about a shitty song on a Hasselhoff album??" right now, but I meant that this song sucks even for a Hasselhoff song. He's trying to sound country and I can really picture him sitting in a dive bar in Texas behind a fence singing that "song" while getting bottled by redneck hillbillies in funny hats.

- whew, done with side 1 -

Side 2 starts with the anthemic and totally not overplayed title track "Looking For Freedom". A timeless classic. As a German I’m instantly reminded of the fall of the Berlin wall, people celebrating at his show, dancing on the remains of the wall. Ah, memories... hey, what's that? People throwing up all over the place!

There aren’t many reasons that I’m glad I moved away from Berlin in 1986, but this is one of them.

"Flying On The Wings Of Tenderness" starts out really smooth. A song to hug, cuddle, kiss and make sweet innocent love to. For twinks. *barf*

The next song is called "Lady" but don't let the title fool you! It's still fucking gay, don't worry. No disappointment for any true Hasselhoff fan.

With "Song Of The Night" it's time to bang your mullet again. Maybe a little overproduced but otherwise something you'd expect from a band like Iron Maiden. Good for parties. Especially if there's not enough beer and you want everybody to get the fuck out.

"Avignon" sounds like an adaptation from a bad German Schlager song. And German Schlager is worse than any other music in the world.  Apparently David has great taste in music.

Oh, this song is actually promising: Judging from the booklet it's the shortest song on the album. But "After Manana Mi Ciello" is still awful, although I'm drunk by now. I have no idea what that title means but I bet my left nut that it's absolutely laughable.

Damn, I knew David was a bastard but is it really necessary to sing every song in a foreign language he can't speak?!? Next up is "Amore Amore" and the music and his pronunciation are still arguing about who sucks more. I'd say it's a tie.

Wow, I made it through all that. And I think I didn’t even call him Mitch or Michael once!

But it did cost me over half a bottle of Scotch. Now I know why David is in rehab all the time.

Maybe I sounded somewhat negative at times but let me guarantee you that this album ROCKS!

Buy it as soon as possible.