If you can't take the e-heat...
Well, this article was going to be about how I hate authority, and me just bitching about management, but then I got to thinking and decided that it would be better if I wrote it about something else. In light of Nona's article about e-Suicide, I am going to discuss the e-stalker.
This individual is something special to behold. Although we never see his face, we get clues about his/her identity by the actions they take. It all starts pretty simple. Go to you favorite messageboard/newsgroup and disagree about anything to lure them out.
Example:
Frodo123 says: I think Blackjack was a revolutionary band, and that Michael Bolton had the rock vocal power of Ronnie James Dio
UkahnSpock says: What are you, fucking retarded? This is a StarCraft board!
Frodo123 says: MY BROTHER IS RETARDED YOU FUCKING PRICK, I WILL KILL YOU!!!
UkahnSpock says: Dude, it was a joke, chill...
Frodo123 says: FUCK YOU MOTHER FUCKER ARGH!!!!
Cycle: And so Frodo123 sets out to make UkahnSpock’s life on the internet a living hell, starting feuds and bickering over nothing. If UkahnSpock likes toast, Frodo123 likes Waffles. All this is fine, UkahnSpock is just ignoring all of it, he has even made e-friends with a girl named Tracy. UkahnSpock sends her e-cards, some pictures of himself, and then sends her his telephone number. But she never called.
Later that night, UkahnSpock gets a call:
”Hello?”
”FUCK YOU MOTHER FUCKER, I WILL GET YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP!!!”
”Who is this?”
”ARH!! CALL ME RETARDED, BITCH!!”
”Oh Jesus Christ”
Yup, “Tracy” was Frodo123 all along. The next day, UkahnSpock changes his screen name and telephone number, but it is too late, Frodo123 already used the Reverse Phone Number Look Up to see where Spock lives, and also… Frodo123 used an IP Catcher to find out, you guessed it, Spocks IP number. So when UkahnSpock in hopes of peace of mind changes over to YngwiesFury, Frodo123 knows, and continues the feud.
Meanwhile, all this e-drama is unfolding on a messageboard/ newsgroup and the other participants are reading it in awe. When YngwiesFury finally says to hell with it, and leaves the online communities all together in disgust, Frodo123 is convinced that everyone who still disagrees with him is in fact UkahnSpock, who Frodo123 now refers to as "Jay", the name he gave Tracy in e-mails. When all this gets Frodo123 banned from the board he decides to do some detective work and find out what Jay is doing now in Real Life.
*ring ring*
”Hello?”
”Yes, this is Sgt. Stipowski of the Debuke PD, do you have an employee named Jay?”
”Yes”
”I just want to let you know that he is accessing Child Pornography while at work.”
”Ok....”
”Bye”
”Wait...” *dial tone*... “Hmmm, why would the police call my work and say that? I better talk to Jay.”
Well, Jay explains to the boss what is going on, and the boss gives him a stupid look and tells Jay to knock it off, stop fucking around and answer the damn question. When it finally gets through that Jay is serious, The Boss gets serious and has the call traced back, charges of harassment are filed and Frodo123 is exposed as Leo Anthony, of N.C.
All should be well, but it is not.....
Leo decides to go BACK to the messageboard that he met Jay on and pick another victim, and the cycle starts again.
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Example 2:
QueenBitch says: Here is a picture of me:
YngwiesFury says: God you are nasty.
QueenBitch says: FUCK YOU MOTHER FUCKER!!!
Begin Cycle again…
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This shit can go on forever, and frankly I have faith that you, the readers, get the fucking idea.
I think what it comes down to with the e-stalkers is that they are not cool in real life, and cannot be cool online either, and they fucking hate it. All of this could have been prevented if Frodo123 had had a decent comeback when asked if he was retarded. Or if QueenBitch would NOT have posted her fucking picture to begin with. But they are fucking losers in real life AS WELL as online, which makes the e-stalker something to be rather pitied.
Some tips from Carman if you are going to visit our cool ass forums:
1: Most boards are NOT singles boards. Ours is for writers and people with a twisted sense of humor. DO NOT post your picture unless you want others to make fun of it.
2: If you cant take the heat (aka jokes at your expense), do not bother to register
3: What people say are JOKES!!!!
4: DO NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL LIFE if you do not want it used against you in some way. We are a community of bitter assholes and we’re filled with hate. We will attack without any regret. SEE RULES 1-3
5: There is only ONE Spellcheck police, his name is SPELLCHECK POLICE.
6: You are NOT welcome here if you are just going to be a fucktard and post stupid shit like “LOLLOLOL” or “I AGREE”, or bump a dead thread and not put any input into said thread. If you are going to join, do not introduce yourself, just get right into a topic/conversation, or better yet… start one. I suggest lurk for while and read the threads.
7: If you were lurking, then you should know better than to draw attention to yourself with a thread obnoxiously announcing your arrival.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
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