Madonna - "First album"

From the first sounds, resembling those of a cheap-ass video game in the 80s, every connoisseur of cheesy pop music recognizes this album for the milestone in music it is. “Lucky Star” is a good choice for the first track, it’s one of the strongest one on here. The lyrics are perfect for the genre; absolutely ridiculous. And the beat is good enough to make me insta-sober on a boozy disco night as soon as this song comes on (like there are any disco clubs letting me in anyway).

“Borderline” is okay at best. It’s also teeming with that carefree attitude most early Madonna songs have. Still one of the few tracks I sometimes skip while listening to this masterpiece of an album.

With “Burning Up” follows one of the best songs Madonna ever released. It’s energetic and catchy as only pop can be. If I had to pick one song off this album for a rock cover it would be this one. It even has some guitar in it!

This is the perfect music to dance to. Too bad for the album that I know dancing is completely retarded so I can’t really take advantage of its potential. On the other hand it gives Madonna something to do while performing the songs live so she won’t end up like the party animal, Mariah Carey, on stage. Then again, if she looked like Mariah Carey I wouldn’t give a fuck if she put on a great show. Hell, I wouldn’t even care if she actually sang. So that dancing thing is a mixed blessing really.

Back to the music...

The next song “I Know It” has a really weak verse but the chorus kicks all kinds of ass. It’s that kind of song you probably don’t even recognize coming on in a bar and you just keep talking, barely registering it in the background, and then all of a sudden the chorus kicks in and you interrupt any conversations going on and yell “Wooohooo, Madonna!” like a complete jackass before downing whatever was in your glass. Or maybe you just take advantage of the situation by conquering the drinks of your drinking colleagues. At least that’s what I would do. Not that this ever happens… Much…

When the next song starts you should already be sitting there with a huge grin on your face, knowing you’re in for a treat. If this song doesn’t make you forget everything that bothered you seconds before, there’s something seriously wrong with you. I’m talking about “Holiday”, the best song on this record and definitely one of my all-time favorite Madonna songs. There’s not much you could do to make this song any better. It’s pretty much the perfect pop song.

“Think Of Me” starts out pretty good but it’s really repetitive. Verse and chorus are pretty much the same. That might sound like not a very big deal to all you hip hop fans reading this, but to me that’s just not right. A cool bridge and some half-assed saxophone soloing save this song from total suckage.

The lyrics to “Physical Attraction” describe some hot one-night-stand-making-love but the music is so flowery that you’re rather reminded of a gay 80’s slasher movie where the “actors” need an excuse to fuck somewhere to make room for the killer to appear without anyone noticing. Anyway, this song is way too long.

In the beginning of “Everybody” she starts talking like she had just become the “victim” of wild penetration, but then again, bear in mind that was the time when Madonna was still considered sexy so it’s not that bad. I’m not sure whether I like that or not, but the song itself is good nevertheless. The chorus is a little lacklustre, but that’s not that unusual for early Madonna songs. When you just start to think “this is getting boring” she breaks out her phone sex voice again and meanwhile I made up my mind about it: it rules.

Conclusion: I’m not sure if it’s better than the two that followed, “Like A Virgin” and “True Blue”, but this album is still one of the best pop records that I ever heard.

There’s a remastered version that has two bonus tracks: Another (extended) version of “Burning Up” that’s even better than the original. It’s not that different but focuses on the song’s strong points. It almost has a Wave feel to it.

The other is a new “Lucky Star” re-mix which is also a little longer than the album version. This one doesn’t differ from the original too much, it’s rather redundant.

It’s really sad what has become of pop music today. I used to like so much crap I heard on the radio and nowadays it’s barely enough to entertain you at a shitty 9 to 5 job.

Scratch that, most of the new songs make me want to quit any job, if not my life, right away.